Tuesday, December 4, 2012

In the ring and battling it out.

It's been a little while since I have post anything and am now in  my 5th month of maintenance with the Interferon-Intron Apha 2b.
I recently FINALLY saw the Dermatologist which went well and that right after having had the "mole mapping" photos done through the hospital! Well that was interesting! The photographer and volunteer had me feeling very much at ease in no time! While with the Dermatologist I did have one mole removed from the back of my leg and learned too that if there is hair growing from a mole that is a good sign, as a rule hair will not grow where there is melanoma. I haven't heard back on that one but haven't been too worried about it as the Derm didn't seem concerned at all and I think took it off for my peace of mind. I will return in six months.
Overall in this process I thought I wasn't doing too badly and did return to work but that really didn't go so well; one week and three days. Co-workers had tried to convince me to stay off, but financially I felt I needed to return and also in feeling like so much has changed I felt I needed to try, thinking somehow I might feel more of a "normal me" in getting back into the swing of things. 
Headaches here and there, appetite is so-so; eating very small portions, fatigue...well, ongoing and always but the hardest thing to deal with is the emotional fragility I have been feeling. What a roller coaster and it seems it changes without warning.
I don't like the way I've been feeling at all, it scares me and waking up in the morning is not a pleasant time; though the alternative is not at all a pleasant thought either. It's a fight every morning just getting past the "physically ill" feeling that takes over as I enter into awakedness! Not to worry though upon "crashing down" recently was in touch with my family doctor and also the social worker I have had in my corner since  the Induction phase of the treatment. I saw my oncologist for my bi-monthly checkup last week and a follow up with the social worker as well. I also had a follow up my family doctor. 
For others out there, yes it can be difficult to share that you are feeling what may be depression, but during an Ultrasound last spring the tech shared her experience with her brother who had been on Interferon and advised me to be aware of feelings of depression; it is a listed possible side effect, and not to wait to talk with someone and if needed antidepressants can help. I'll admit to being a little worried about taking such meds, but know with my "team"; oncologist, social worker, family doctor, I can withdraw gradually once treatment is complete and have a great deal of support.  The antidepressants at this point are taking a lot out of me; I sleep a lot, and have no ambition at all and there is nauseasness and extreme fatigue  .   I know it is that my body is adjusting and the oncologist did say it could take from ten days to 4 weeks before I am feeling really good.   The social worker will be doing frequent follow up with me.
I'm working hard at staying in the ring with this fight! I'll just have to be patient with myself This has been a very difficult period for me this last month or so, but I hope I can work through it and celebrate like there was no tomorrow when I complete the run!
Still fighting the battle!  I've lost count of the rounds and another round straight ahead.

Be good to yourself.

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