Friday, October 16, 2015

The Cold hard Ruthless COLD!!!!!

Why is it when you're feeling like things MIGHT JUST be getting back to normal, something like THE COLD comes along filling your head, throat and nose with utter misery?

I guess if I had truly been paying attention I might have noticed some small inkling of ill coming and about to take charge of my physical well being    Well, perhaps I didn't see it coming because we were watching over our daughter as she had very quickly become ill, a sinus infection and tonsillitis, but as of yesterday was feeling slightly better.   That she was beginning to feel better only makes sense that I should then begin to feel ill.   Oh well how long can it last?   Oh dangerous of me to have put that out there.

Well, all the ammunition lined up and working to eliminate, diminish, or at the very least numb the effects of feeling these ills.   I feel especially desperate after just recovering from recent surgery, which even yet has left my head and neck feeling quite compromised!    Oh woe is me.
Ruthless, cold, heartless and unfeeling cold!

Thy bedtime cometh much earlier this night.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Those Funny Little Things...

It's amazing the weird, quirky little things you don't think about until they are the very things you are missing or perhaps not missing but realizing you just can't do!

Two weeks ago today I had surgery for a Parotid Adenoma, or a benign tumour, tucked in along my Salivary Gland and just below my jaw line!    The only true visual that would give away the fact that I have had any surgery is the impressive scar I now don, strategically zig zagged to follow along the base of my ear and then my jaw line.    For the first few days there was some swelling of course and the scar was looking rather angry, but with bandages removed, poly sporin care and air it's looking much better.   Facial nerves and muscle have been affected, most likely temporary but either way presenting challenges I've never met before!

Now, it's those funny little things that continue to make everything so interesting.   For example, the numbness from below my ear lobe to half way down my scar and it feels oddly hard in that area and the top end of the scar is quite raised.     So many weird little "feelings" and then the really quirky things, like spitting... something we totally take for granted.   We all spit every time we brush our teeth, but presently my spit has no power behind it and even if I try, no direction!   It's a very disappointing result!    Chewing is challenging, doing most of it on the right side; the opposite side to the surgery.  With every bite taken and even on the right side, the salivary gland immediately reacts as if I were eating something sour, the reaction a sensitivity that goes into super overdrive and if I chew on that side it is even worse; actually painful.   Drinking is manageable until the cup is near empty and then apparently I lack the muscle to properly maneuver the last few dribbles available and end up ...well, dribbling!  Straws are helpful though there too depending on the straw size lack the ability to fully engage my lips with the straw!   Smiling too has a new personality, now my smile appears a little crooked, off centreat times!    A little Jim Nabors-esque, or a tiny bit Mary Lou Retton.

Talking...crazy as it is this has affected my talking.   Not that I talk any less, but in talking the movements of my mouth/lips may be a little awkward looking as the muscles or lack of presently,
work to form the shape of the words.   After talking for a bit my lips actually feel rather tuckered they've completed some prescribed workout.   They feel like an elastic pulled to it tightest.When I haven't spoken in a while it feels like my jaw simply locks up and it's most uncomfortable and leaves my whole face feeling incredibly tense, which then follows in a massive headache.

Then just when one looks forward to tucking into bed, I lie down and yes usually beginning on my left side only to jump from the instant pain and being reminded that "oh yes, there's a scar there and it's sore and no I can't lie on that side of my face"...well, not without some very strategic thought in doing so!    It hurts from below the ear down to the base of the scar from about half way from the chin.

I know I'll be gaging whether or not some of these "Quirks" dissipate with each week passing and hope indeed all will return to "normal", whatever normal was!   I was already a Quirky sort so now I'm simply more interestingly quirky!
Those funny little things.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Scarred For Life and How sweet it is!

A NEW SCAR....I hear in my head just as though I was on Price Is Right!   It is sweet because it was a benign little tumour!   More surgery behind me, some soreness and uncomfortableness remains but really doing very well.    Being Thanks Giving weekend what I am thankful for is something I needn't even have to think about, it's just so right there in front of me and incredibly evident to me!  I will include the new scar in what I might be thankful for as it reminds me too.

I am ever so thankful for my family, all of them and even for their sometimes crazy ways, for good friends and always making more friends, food and shelter, my work, good medical care/doctors/ very much to be thankful for!

I know this scar will fade but my appreciation of all that it stands for never will!
Happy Thanks Giving everyone!    Let your heartfelt thanks shine through!   :)
P.S.: I'm not amazing, just thankful because this could have been so much worse!  This new scar really is nothing....though a great reminder of just another little bump in the road!    Now; once again I go forward!   :)

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

It went "Zip" when it moved, And "Bop" when it stopped And "Whirrr" when it stood still...

Dadunk, dadunk, Whirrr, whirrr, ding ding ding, ratatat, ratatat....

So much noise it's hard to focus mind wise, but I try, try to focus on crossing the street but I can't.   I try to think about the meadow, the daisies, the clover and long grass, but there's the jackhammer pounding away and then knocking.   I work and finally have found a way to be in control and simply concentrate on keeping my eyes closed, breath calmly and rhythmically and when I can take a full breath.

This MRI is quite different from my last and off to a slow start, or a restart more specifically!
My last MRI was aided by Lorazepam and under that lovely sedative I felt no fear or claustrophobic tendency at all.   

Today I am going head first into the machine; last time feet first.   In preparing to roll me in the technician has placed a umpire like mask over my face and a "shield-like" piece over my chest, gifted me a set of ear plugs and in I go!    Into the tiny tunnel.   Like a last chance to speak before a firing squad, when I hear "Are you o.k?", I jump at the opportunity to respond, "NO!", without hesitation!
I am rolled out, mask and chest piece removed and I sit up.   I apologize again and again and feel rather silly.   "So they really need this right?", I ask.    He confers, they; the surgeon and team do.   He is very patient with me and very understanding and shares that this happens often.   He does his job very well and I greatly appreciate the care he takes in putting patients at ease.   I take a few more breaths, we chat a little about the procedure, fears/feelings and then I put my game face on.   I also think about the many little ones who must have to endure this as well and how much more especially frightening it is likely to be for them.   The technician replaces the mask, the chest piece and he gently places the emergency ball in my hand, reminds me he is close by and rolls me back in.   He reminds me too, to go to my "Happy Place" and keep my eyes closed.   I give him the thumbs up.

Eyes closed I seek those places to go to within' my mind.   The meadow is always a favourite and Hubby is there too, we're having a picnic.   The noises don't bother me so much and when I can't concentrate on the meadow, they actually provide some direction to my imagination; a busy city street, construction site, birds, etc. .   Everything will be fine, 20 minutes to go with one very brief break to facilitate the dye injection.    
I CAN do this and I DID do it!    Mind over matter, but Lorazepam will be a friend in mind should we find ourselves here again!   :)

Have you never experienced an MRI, it goes a little like this...

Shazam, There's an App for that!

It's not easy slipping into the very role you knew as your own parents the "older" parents.   I don't know when it happens but it does and all of a sudden you're the ones continually being taught "new school" and watching the children's body language when they are trying their best not to "sigh" with disbelief or some extent of tiredness in the teaching an old parent new tricks.    Sometimes though it must be very self assuring for them when we are in awe of what new tech skills and savvy they have!

Our beloved girl kindly set us up with Netflix with her own account and we are becoming more and more "into" it and have given up our cable connections here!   Recently while I watched one particular new favourite program and my daughter with me, a song played in the background of a scene before us.  
"Go back, rewind that!", she shouted out, "I want to know the name of that song, I'll Shazam it!".

"You'll what it?", I asked.

"I'll Shazam it!", she says as she points her PHONE at the television. Instantly I see a blue screen appear with a "swirling" action happening and then,  SHAZAM, a song title appears and she's as happy as can be!

"Cool!", I say.  

She agrees, "I know right!?" .    Right I think to myself.

In the words of Gomer Pyle, "SHAZAM"!   Who'da' thunk!?

Monday, August 31, 2015

A Line on How to Be Grateful!

Just this evening, bringing yet another basket of laundry up the stairs from the basement, I catch myself sighing, thinking, "Man, laundry is right up there with taxes and death, another sure thing!"!
I note the thought has a tone of "complaint" in it and I feel just a little ashamed for that.

I head out the back door to the deck where the clothesline awaits.   About a quarter of the way into the basket of freshly laundered fabrics I find myself quite enjoying this task at hand.  Truth be told, somehow I usually find I do.   It's not such a bad thing at all.

The clothesline in the beginning, empty, an emptiness longing to be filled!  The basket filled with fresh,  dampened clothes and linens, about to become an exhibit, a long line of visual pleasantry.   A light breeze will only add to the visual pleasure of colour, shape and form of a very routine effort that suddenly takes on a very artistically fulfilling life.
The very thing that seems like drudgery, suddenly provides grateful inspiration in what it and what it bears becomes in putting paint to canvas or words to paper!   The clothesline, Family Represent in daily life, routines, love bestowed, gifts/luxuries taken for granted.

How lovely, lucky me for I have clothes to wear, linens for beds we sleep in,  AND a line to hang them on after washing them clean with water at my own home. Then for me to enjoy a few moments watching them flap gently on a breeze and  become so happily inspired by, I am incredibly grateful and now shall write with such gratefulness upon a slip of paper and deposit it into my grateful jar.

I will confess, I may find it harder to think this way when our winters are bearing down so harshly upon us and I will most likely turn to the luxury of the modern day dryer, which too may offer some inspiring effects worthy of artistic outcomes.   If nothing artistically profound I shall then revel in the luxury of instant warmth !

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Let's Talk Dirty!

Talking dirty could mean so many things, like....talking dirty in things we say that our mother's might have scolded us for, been disappointed in us for and wondering where we could have heard such things, it could mean we're avid gardener's totally sharing tips on quality soil tips for growth, perhaps we are avid vermicomposters?    Well none of those apply.  It's a confessional here.

At a time when we are hearing so much about "clean eating", yes I am here to talk dirty.    How is it I have become so conscious of when I am bucking the "clean eating" idea and about to go "dirty"?

Recently the term "clean eating" ringing in my ears, I had what I could only refer to as a "Dirty Day" of eating.    I am not the best example of a "clean eater" by any stretch of the imagination but in being conscious of my food choices; good and bad, do try to eat healthy, "junk" less and hope in the long run I will be a better example of better eating, nutrition wise and maybe even benefit my long term health.

The day I speak of was off to a good start with a bagel, thin smear of cream cheese, one cup of yogurt, and grapes.    Even Grapes have come into question as I have heard them referred to as "the dirty fruit"!  I'm learning and the learning continues as I strive to do what's best for myself and hope to influence hubby too but there is much to take in and I want to be realistic too in what I will, will want to change and what I will stick to.    Breakfast not too bad and then there was the lunch hour and as I see the establishment ahead but keep my cravings to myself it is only about 40 minutes later Hubby voices his own craving and you guessed it, the very craving I have avoided speaking of!   I am delighted and feel less guilty about my own craving for KFC in his having shared his!    It hits!  Once a year I find myself so craving the Colonels recipe and with less and less of these establishments in existence the desperation  to satisfy said craving rises!

The KFC feeding frenzy always ends the same, feeling like I need to immediately "wipe down" afterward.    Entering in, think I should have donned a dark cloak, dark glasses and proceeded with an altered voice in attempting to shroud my shame, but it's all really goooooood!
The evening, when while sitting all cozy with Hubby, watching a movie he mentions chips and ....heaven help me, pop!    There has been a couple of bottles tucked away in the depths of the "cellar way" and chips tucked into the back of the cupboard in the kitchen.   These used to be a common site on a Friday or Saturday night but now are seen about very seldomly and when announced on this night, my resistance is low.   O.K in all honesty there is NO resistance.    Coca Cola and chips.   I don't any longer truly enjoy pop, but coca cola and original chips, I revert to the crazy chip dipping in the coke behaviours!   It's been quite a day.

The "Dirty Day" behind me I go forth with a renewed desire to eat healthy and hope to make much better choices but I know I will relapse, cheat (myself), and WANT what I know is just that; a WANT, as opposed to a need; licorice, chocolate, cookies, gummi bears, etc.!     Oh heaven help me!  There is hope, right?!   Le sigh.

Into the tub....back to the 80's!

Last night following a, well, a very lazy day, somehow I really needed a long soak in an epsom infused bath!    It was a lazy day following a workout at physio for my shoulder.    I didn't touch my canvases, nor did I work at signs in the process of being produced, no house cleaning chores, nor writing blogs, updating manuscripts or ANYTHING!    I confess with some hesitation to having filled a day with ...coulda' shoulda' and just don't feel like it's!  

I hadn't intended such a lazy day or fully intended to have such a long soak in the tub, but remembered that I had this past weekend rediscovered the existence of my beloved sony walkman, which also held the much coveted Rick Springfield cassette; Working Class Dog, which necessitated a reacquaintance with both!

Oh Holy blissfulness!  It's equal to being led from a very busy city street, through a vacant alley, out into the quiet of a serene meadow.    I often have a difficult time with the attempt to indulge in a 'long soak' but this time, I let my hair down, put all thoughts aside; on average a gazillion "need to do" and of the household and daily routines nature.  
I found the meadow, right there in my the tub, through the retro reminiscence of sound waves travelling between ear buds in the form of great 80's vibes from heart throb Rick Springfield.  You can bet I will relish a day of hard work and accomplishments delved into simply just to justify another long soak while adorned by ear buds, walkman and retro tunes... and with Rick, so worth the wait!  Bring it!


Sunday, April 26, 2015

That Little Ditty About Jack and Diane

It isn't summer, it's barely feeling like a spring day on this particular day, but somehow it works just as if it were a warm summer day.

When I hear just such a song I want to roll down the window, let my hair blow freely and sing like nobody is listening!
Thursday coming home from work rolling along the 401 that song streams from the car radio and it feels like a summer day many years ago and for a few short moments it feels like I am much younger.
That song is "Jack and Diane" which for some reason makes me think of summer.   In writing this post realize it may be much more than that.

This song doesn't perhaps JUST remind me of summer, but of the "spring" of my life.   Summer, the epitome of carefree, footloose, fun in the sun, friends, friendships, first loves and long lingering wonderful days.   It's feeling that sense of everything is amazing and wonderful and imagining all the wonderful to come...cruisin' carefree, an ice cold coca cola, warm rays on your face, a day at the beach, attending a great summer concert where and when it seems the world is at it's very best.

That little ditty sure has a lot of power in the joy of hearing it and while I am no longer in the spring of my years teetering on the late summer of, I do look forward to the summer ahead and more of the "summer" ahead!  Many wonderful things ahead of me and doing it all with many friends, making new friends, family and of course the love of my life!    Just around the corner yet another summer season, so jump in, roll on and crank those tunes!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

The Perogy Has the Power!

It's sure been a long ol' winter and for the first time in thirty years of being married to "a Plowman" this is the first year I have actually outwardly felt some measure of despair in winter.  
I have always loved winter, love building snowmen, love making snowangels, joining the children in a gleeful dance of joy at the sight of big fluffy flakes falling in thick masses from a beautiful winter's eve sky!

Recently while preparing our dinner including a favourite little yummy in a pot full of perogies, I looked into the pot to target a scoopful of said yummies and there looking up at me, a sign, a measure of encouragement and assurance in knowing all will be well and spring is just on the horizon was a little sunshiny-like smiling face on one of the perogies.

Hope was restored and I couldn't help but smile back and then after sprinkling it with chopped green onion, a dollup of sour cream and a tiny sprinkle of real bacon sent that smiley serving of hope into my tummy!    I smiled from the inside out and knew I had the power within' to make it through the rest of the winter, no matter what it has in store!    Thank you little smilin' perogy!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

His day, my day another day celebrated!

Today is our son's birthday and for that reason I am celebrating doubly!    Of course I'm excited to celebrate the amazing young man he has become, but I'm excited to be here to celebrate with him; as we did Friday night and will again tomorrow on family day!  That's right, celebrating that I AM HERE and that I am here to celebrate!

It's a day I will never forget for the blessing that the arrival of our son was and a day I can't forget 23 years after his arrival for the words that made me feel anything but blessed.    Hearing the "C" word...CANCER made my head spin, literally as I returned to my car that day in a dizzy, weak in the knees state of mind.
I am today 3 years post  cancer diagnosis.   It's been quite an adventure and while I may curse cancer's arrival to my life I may also be grateful for the focus, realizations and reflection it has brought to me!

I could go on and on but tonight I'm watching the SNL 40th Anniversary show and that alone makes me grateful ....all the years I watched it and that I am here watching it tonight!   No Way!   WAY!

In 2012 I had 122 blog entries, so on that note cancer certainly provided plenty for me to write about, the GOOD, the BAD, the UGLY and the TRIUMPH in making it through it all.   Today I know of an Incredibly courageous, determined and inspirational young girl who celebrates the end of her chemotherapy and just keeps moving forward letting cancer know, she RULES!    To that beautiful young girl and to everyone fighting the fight, keep your chin up and celebrate every day!

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Loo Loo Skip to the Loo....The Real Poop!

I've witnessed the "before" and heard so many variations including those who would quickly say it's "the worst thing Iv'e ever experienced", which even without having experienced questioned that summary, but it's relevant!  Mention the topic to anyone and you are sure to be gifted the "poop" of the scenario they themselves have "survived" or a second hand dramatization shared through via a friend or a "friend" of a friend of theirs!

Did you guess I am post colonoscopy?  First ever and the procedure itself, well, I have no recollection or sense of whatsoever!    Of course yes as expected I do recall and have some story to recollect when it comes to the preparation for said procedure.    I understand too that over just the last few years the details of the prep have changed somewhat as well.   When my husband was "prepping" for his, it was necessary to begin the dosing early in the afternoon the day before the procedure, but now it is requested that you begin at 7 P.M the evening before.    I have heard about the "jugs" of greatly unpleasantly thick liquid which one had previously had to chug back as per the "dosing", now it's like taking the orange supplement Emergen C, with a little more "fizz"!   The "dosing" even comes in a delightful little box-a sunny delight; which the pharmacy employee cashing me through recognized immediately!    While we joked about it and "the fun" I was in for, I'm not shaken.   

Another new "bonus" to the procedure at hand came up as the Anesthetist offered me the chance to see the final stage of the colonoscopy "LIVE" onscreen before me, if I should like!    I know I looked like a deer in the headlights and then asked him to repeat the option to me as I was a little stunned and amazed at what he had just said.    He repeated and I slowly but happily replied, "Sure, that's cool!" and a very short time later off we went. 
"Come on in Catherine", he says as we enter the surgical suite,  with the same welcome of ones invitation to "come on down" on the Price Is Right.
I don't feel nervous at all ...and next thing I know I hear my name again...
"Catherine, would you like a coffee or some juice...and the doctor is going to see you in just a minute."
I realize this is where they waken you and (try to) get you going and where I always want to keep sleeping.    Then I believe I did HEAR my doctor's voice and I THINK I did SEE him, but it's a little vague.  There is a paper to to say the same but I think it went like this....
"Catherine,  the colonoscopy went well and things look great.   There were no polyps and we'll see you in ten years."
Hubby is apparently retrieving and warming the car so I dress quickly and then am rolled away from the day surgery unit by a lovely hospital volunteer.

Honestly the whole experience was not so bad at all and certainly worth a very small amount of "inconvenience" in the end; no pun intended.   

*Footnote: Apparently I enjoyed the sedation greatly and I am sad to say I missed the "LIVE" Reality TV Like opportunity to watch the last stage of the procedure.   Sigh.  Maybe next time?

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Seriously, but LOL...Tuning In for Colon Health!

Monday, Monday, so good to me!   This morning I was of the mind that one week from tomorrow; Monday, I would be at the hospital for my colonoscopy.   I will be enjoying the benefits of a scheduled colonoscopy; that versus an unscheduled colonoscopy did not enter my mind.  In thinking it was a Monday appt., somehow the song "Monday, Monday" kept playing over in my thoughts.  Singing this tune you might think I actually delighted in going for the procedure...Monday Monday so good to me (?)!    It is actually taking place one week from Tuesday, but the "prep" WILL be underway that Monday evening!

While a colonoscopy isn't anything one might excitedly or enthusiastically sign up for, having such procedures available and preventative in offering insight to the health of my colon is certainly worthy of my gratefulness and especially after my personal experience with the "Big C"!

With melanoma, once you have been deemed N.E.D (No Evidence of Disease) following surgeries and prior to being approved if necessary, for adjuvant/immunotherapy treatment, there are no further scans, etc. .  While I do have ongoing cancer care in attending bi-annual skin checks with my dermatologist, annual check ups with my surgeon who had done both pre-treatment surgeries and an annual checkup with my oncologist I must confess to wishing there was a full scan annually as well.  
It's a wait and see, wait and watch for any unusual symptoms, for any visible lesions on the skin surface; recurrence.

The colonoscopy itself is as I've been told, nothing to fret and apparently the sedation is like a gift of the best sleep you've never had!   I understand and have witnessed the inconvenience of the "Prep" in the day before the procedure as the worst part of it.   My husband has had a colonoscopy and the song that comes to mind in reminiscing the experience would have to be...."Loo Loo, Skip to the Loo, Skip to the Loo my Darling!"...or RUN perhaps!

With that said, once all done I imagine leaving the day behind singing out, "Goodbye Ruby Tuesday...",  and better that song comes to mind when many less dignified tunes/names for the day might come to mind!

*Adjuvant therapy, also called adjuvant care, is treatment that is given in addition to the primary, main or initial treatment. The surgeries and complex treatment regimens used in cancer therapy have led the term to be used mainly to describe adjuvant cancer treatments.

*Immunotherapy (also known as Biological therapy) stimulates your immune system to help it fight the cancer. Biological medications are the same as, or similar to, natural immune chemicals your body produces. Available immunotherapy include interferon alpha, interleukin-2, and Yervoy™.

    Tuesday, January 20, 2015

    Of ICING!

    Sometimes you need a little something, something, not celery, not the chips n' guacamole, not the cookie,
    but suddenly, somehow...Icing!  Oh, not the sports kind of icing as in hockey. My apologies if that was an exciting thought for you!   I'm talking about the "icing on the cake" and not figuratively; though that phrase is always a welcome thought to any situation, but literally the icing on a cake kind of icing!  

    Icing, a saving grace when you're desperate for some sinful indulgence.  When there just isn't anything of the sinful category in your larder when you REALLY need there to be and it's just not in the realm of possibilities to go out for said items.

    Icing is quickly made for indulgence with just three basic ingredients!   Icing sugar, butter and milk will create a basic icing and if you have specific tasty needs you can add any flavouring you wish!  Cocoa on hand...chocolate icing, lemons...lemon icing, and so on!    This is not an earth shattering, high priority kind of post but I just thought I'd share.    I will have you know too, this is NOT one of those "desperate for some sinful indulgence" evenings and especially as I am about to tuck in for the night but more of an FYI, because it's bad but in a pinch, it's good!

    Monday, the new Wednesday!

    I recall; to some degree, many years ago when downtown on a Wednesday one would find a good portion of the shops closed at noon.    It wasn't odd, it didn't seem out of the question, it was just the way it was.

    Just this past Monday I was downtown and found many of the shops closed for the day.    My first thought was that somehow I was confused and had not paid attention to what day it was.   Then as I checked a store schedule on their door, it came to me it was in fact Monday.

    I understand perhaps Mondays are not a very busy day and especially when most shops are now open on Sundays.   I don't blame shops one bit.    If Mondays are in fact a very slow day that would in turn make for very long hours for those working.   A busy day has a tendency to go by very quickly and a slow day passes very slowly; that for just about any field of work.

    While some may not like changes as they come and go among our businesses, we all know change is just a part of life.    Running a business is a 24/7 kind of enterprise and one always has to be on their toes, growing and changing with the times, balancing life/family with demands and following trends!

    Monday, January 12, 2015

    Sidetracked at the tracks!

    This may sound a bit like a gambler's confession!     I've been to a Casino once and to the racetrack; Kawartha Downs my one and only*once and while I could confess to the excitement and sudden rush of "I feel lucky" this is not that!    I will confess that it takes VERY little for me to be "sidetracked" at any given moment and in the midst of just about anything!   "OH, Shiny something..."!

    Today as I tried very hard to pay close attention to the time on returning from a long walk lakeside; a doctors appointment next on the schedule, and about to turn to head home I looked ahead to see a stream of most intriguing vehicles lined up and slowly making their way west along the tracks near Cameco.    I was suddenly "sidetracked" and turned up Alexander St. to get a closer look.   I looped back, grabbed my camera and parked the car.   I had never seen anything like this before...a convoy of rail capable vehicles.   They resemble the familiar yellow machinery we are used to seeing in the yard of the works dept. ; like the much  heralded sight of the beloved snowplow clearing our streets in this very winter!    I walk closer and begin snapping away, trying to get my preferred angles, up close and that perspective but without getting in the way of the gentleman operating the hose for the gas line from the tanks of fuel to each of the machines/vehicles as they make their way to him along the tracks.

    I can't help myself and finally approach one of the fellows; looking friendly enough, and ask where they are headed and what work they are doing.    He is friendly thankfully and tells me they're "going in", they are clearing the tracks for a scheduled train passing and they have been laying new rails!   Oh, how interesting and I tell him I've never seen such a convoy and he then tells me there are about one dozen machines lined up here at this time.   Plenty happening at the tracks but then one also notices the many trucks parked at various points in working with the operation as well.   It's quite intriguing!    This is just one such instance where I am swiftly heading home or to any other destination when something catches my attention and suddenly necessitated a full stop!    It is for this reason I always have a camera of one form or another with me in the car!   Hubby knows all about my "sidetracks", all too well.  Today at the tracks, tomorrow who knows!

    Happy For the Unimagined.

    Keeping tabs on aches and pains occurring since before Christmas and another since shortly thereafter, I finally decided to see my physician for the sake of putting any fears at ease.   If you have read any of my blog, particularly from 2012 you will know my history with the BIG C...oh, not the television series; which I miss greatly, but the big C that is Cancer.   Come February 15th it will be 3 years since the day of diagnosis; I remember it ever so clearly.

    At this point in time for the most part it is all behind me and I enjoy looking forward.   Every so often like recently there are pains or something I can't ignore and mentally monitor in working to assure myself it is nothing!    Of course you can't help but worry about recurrence of the Big C and as you grow farther away from the initial diagnosis, surgeries and treatments you think about it less; or try to, because your life goes on!   When you can imagine so much, a great imagination is at times not such a great thing!

    It's hard to imagine how grateful one can be in being told it's probably arthritis and with the shoulder, quite likely muscular and involving your rotator cuff, in comparison to hearing the alternative one imagines.  It will never be far from my thoughts when I sense something feels off, but today and for this round while I could whine about the pains I am feeling happy it's everything I DIDN'T imagine it to be.

    Saturday, January 10, 2015

    A New Calendar Year! ...Oh the things I could do!!!!

    The ringing in of a new year is cause for reflection of all that has taken place over the course of the last year and it's then too you look ahead and wonder what the year ahead may bring!  We just never know what we will have the chance to do in life, how much time we get  and of course a round with cancer really makes you look at the BIG picture and wonder about those things even more. You aren't only wondering what might come in the form of fate, etc., but what CAN you take on, what goals do you have, what do you WANT to accomplish?

    There is unfortunately always a little hint of fear of a cancer recurrence weighing on my mind so the lengthy list I have, my "Living List" beckons to be fulfilled!    New employment roles
    as well as volunteer and hopefully some travel, theatre perhaps, fun with friends, but the main goal is simply to try to take one day at a time and do some of those things that will be great memories and feel like great accomplishments as well!   Hmmmm, write a book, take a clowning course, do my level 3 ASL, go on a trip, find a new job, singing, so many possibilities!
    Hello new calendar indeed! Happy New Year!

    A Cool Thing to Do!

    Reading a post earlier when someone was talking about "a cool thing to do" upon turning 40 and wondering what they might do when turning 50.   I found myself trying to remember something cool I had done when turning 50.  One of the cool things I did for my fiftieth was to be the recipient of a lovely surprise party a few lovely friends made happen; one of them nearly getting caught in making it all happen!   If they read this they and the other's creating the event will remember that!  It really was lovely!

     I recall I must have been close to 40 when I finally took the big step of auditioning for a role in local theatre, now that was cooooool!   On turning 30....well I was happy to be expecting our third; and last, child and low and behold our first and only daughter.   Her brothers were tickled too!

    Back to what I did when turning 50, well that really was QUITE the year but I do remember now....I fought cancer and BEAT IT!!!   Now THAT's COOL I say!   ;)

    You're already there.

    I LOVE YOU. You don't have to say I LOVE YOU to relay your love for someone.    If someone you are very close to , someone you've ...