the Skin(ny) on Melanoma...more valuable info.

More information on melanoma...this is an American website but very informative and with a message targeted at our youth.
the video is 20 minutes but well worth your time!   While I have learned much, found this additionally helpful to learn more from.

Take care of yourself!  :o)

http://www.skincheck.org/Page8.htm

Avoiding a traumatic Non-void! ...and the actual test day!!!!!

It's funny and perhaps a little odd that after everything I've been through the idea of a simple ultrasound scares me.   It's been a very long time since I had an ultrasound but that one never forgets that most uncomfortable and desperately urgent need to void having held it for some time, scares me more than my upcoming MRI...a procedure I have never experienced.

today I shall practice once this morning and once this afternoon the most efficient and least traumatizing method of consuming 3 eight ounce glasses of water by a decided time and then wait at least an hour before voiding.  I have a slight suspicion that I may cheat today, just because I can ...I'm at home and there will be no-one to keep record...but me.
I'll let you know how that goes.


...and now the results!   Um, well...I was getting ready to shower before Home Care's arrival and like a reflex sat down you know where without even a thought of my test procedure and FAIL!   I didn't do it again in the afternoon so now will simply go with the actual TEST duties today!   I'm not looking forward to it!   Funny how we know we delay void all the time, at work, when we get busy at home with cleaning, cooking, laundry, phone calls, etc., but then when TOLD we cannot void until said time, we have the hardest time doing the usual on someone else's terms!   Oh help me!

And onto the actual test...

Upon arriving at the hospital-even the walk from the parking lot was painful, I was able to register at the Diagnostics desk immediately! Immediately the woman there tells me, "Just a few moments while I finish this.", she's working on the computer. I remain calm and say "...certainly"., then look to my right and you guessed it, in plain sight a "washroom"! 
I sit wiggling, and woobling; up on my knees, and hum a very low quite nearly inaudibly hum.
Thankfully soon I am directed to the Womens Health Centre. I decide to remove my coat and proceed to sit; again wiggling and woobling! It isn't working for me so I proceed to circle...my shoes wet, they squeak with every step taken. Step, squeak, step, squeak, step, squeak, loop around, repeat.
The woman concealed behind the partition comes out, "Do you need to go to the washroom?", "yes" I reply, and wonder if she is joking or just mean? She then says, "You're here for an ultrasound!". 
Oh I think to myself she's so clever what a great guess, and I politely reply, "Yes, yes I am." She laughs out loud, "I could tell by the pattern of your steps!"! Oh what a hoot she is!
Up to this point I have been kegeling to beat the band!, and am tempted to completely forget myself and should "void" happen, it happens and "desk lady" is sure to stop laughing while I stand waiting in a state of panicked agony! Apparently she has worked here too long and has become desensitized to the urgency in the nature of this procedure. 
I am 25 minutes early for my appt. and even as the situation seems desperate a miracle presents itself and I am able to enter in to the chamber...'er ultrasound, within a few short minutes of being there. As much as I might like to have "let go" the actual Ultrasound Tech. nurse is such a pleasant young lady I can't imagine doing anything to bring undue trouble upon her day.
Lucky for "Desk Lady" and thanks to Kegels I was able to hold it, my Dear Lesley!

No rest for the weary...NO KIDDING

I did not sleep well at all last night, waking like clock work with each passing hour.   The term, "no rest for the weary", is a very good description of my night.   I was soooo tired, needing rest and no, no, it never came.

I am going back to bed until lunch hour or later!   I'm exhausted on every possible level one could be!

Day 67-The "c" word - Emotions...like a Penguins fan

I thought with the news of "your post surgery tests are all clear", that was it.   Finish physical mending and back to work you'll go.    N'uh-uh...that's not quite how it's feeling.

I'm more emotional than a child having for the first time experienced the loss of a pet, or a grown man having watched his fave hockey team's season go down in Flames...pardon the pun Penguins fans!  ...yes, that emotional.

It's like what I expect I should have been feeling but instead, leading up to the surgery felt very little emotionally, like I was simply going through the motions of each days routine.   No real thoughts about what lie ahead.  I do hope this is a very short term phase.   I cry when I feel like it, though do work at keeping it in check, until I am afforded a little alone time to let it out.   I should be happy but think it's everything that has been kept in check or unconsciously suppressed, as well I can't help but feel uncertain even yet about what lay ahead, which is just the way it is in anyone's life on a daily basis.   There is the realization though that now additional levels of uncertainty and fears have come into play.

All I can do is surround myself with positive thoughts, make plans to have a future of plans events and embrace all that is good and wonderful in life!   Sounds corny to some perhaps, but right now it's truly what I'm certain will get me past this point.   I can't fall apart every day.

I have the remainder of this week to recuperate both physically and mentally/emotionally...visit if you can, bring laughs and Merriment (LOL...now that DOES sound a tad corny eh!?), ...and if I cry I apologize in advance!

Ad(ing) humour!

Free to Good Home...

Tube and pump.  (Get psyched about getting pumped)
Works well, but can be a bit draining. (It takes a lot out of you)
Always with you...goes where you go!(Loyalty abounds)
Hangs around and watches you shower. ( A true confidante...never tells)
Insists on taking up one side of the bed...always has you on your back! (Always the same sleeping arrangements)
Is especially demanding when full! (It doesn't cry "Feed Me"...but you WILL know when it's full)
Makes every outfit look ill fitting! (if you're going for the shlumpy look, it's perfect)

It's yours for the having...I'm done with it!

A Restless night of tosses, turns and tears of joy and sadness

I'm up having bid the mover's good bye as they head to Toronto to pack up our daughters things in prep for her final week at school.
Last night was a restless night for me as I attempted to toss and turn, and while doing so had to rearrange the "support pillow" with each toss and turn.   My "gimp" side hurting with each go, but I continuously and desperately made attempts to enjoy at least a brief time laying in that old familiar way.   At one point I ventured back to my own bed and attempted some form of spooning with John, but sadly it didn't last long, just too uncomfortable as of yet.   I miss him.   I have to commend Dash our dog for quickly moving to the end of the bed in his own sweet gesture to give me at least a chance to be comfortable back in my own digs.   Oh well, with any luck I WILL have this tube removed today and that alone should help in granting me much more comfort while sleeping!
I had such a mix of thoughts and emotions going through me in trying to get to sleep last night.   Tears interrupted each almost successful "near sleep".   That's when I really needed to be with hubby and have him close to me.
I'm going to go back up to bed and watch a movie and plan to shower about a half hour before Michelle from Home Care arrives.
Maybe I'll watch a tear jerker and let the tears reign!


YAY, the Drain is out!  Today it finally happened!  Upon emptying the drain/pump last night and this morning I was happy to record very low amounts.   The final three recorded levels at 10 ml., 5 ml. and 10 ml.'s!    I assured Michelle I was not up to fudging the numbers!   She laughed and said, well then we can proceed in removing it!  Yay...it DID hurt and I was not happy with the way that felt but she was great and it was quick!   I DID lay down in order I be prepared for any chance of passing out.   Just thinking about pulling it out made me a little light headed.  Imagination IS a wonderful thing...MOST of the time!
Once out I am really rather shocked to see just what was tucked into my chest!  Yyyyyyyuck!....the ventilated portion is the size of a 5-6 inch tv remote and then an inch or two of tube from that and then stitched into place at the opening in ones underarm.   The hole will heal over in a few short days and in the meantime Home Care will be back to monitor the healing and at some point soon when it appears to be closed over and nice and clean will release me from their care.
I don't know about you but seeing this little wonder amazed and freaked me out a little.   I am intrigued by the science and medical wonders in all of this...something to focus on despite everything!

The "c" word, surreal either way!

That "c" word has taken quite a hold lately.   I might never be the same or what I believe to have been "me" before all of this and I have yet to talk with Dr. S about next steps, as well as have a couple additional tests in the near future, but with additional changes happening all around, nothing will ever be quite as it ever was and cancer is a part of that.
I've known many others who have battled or continue to battle cancer, and you can never quite fully understand what they must be going through, the thoughts the emotions and of course we are all so different in how we digest such things.
I can't stop thinking about what all of this means.   "Your tests came back clear, negative for any more melanoma", like the initial diagnosis of melanoma, it is again surreal.  Maybe it's time to go to bed.  Not thinking may be just what I need at this point.

Thursday again...Getting Sexy back?...when?

This evening I'm not feeling so great! ...for many reasons and not fully knowing why at the same time, especially following such good news from Doctor Simon.
I think some of what I'm feeling comes from not really fully understanding or feeling the "real" in the initial diagnosis and hearing everyone, including myself talk about it like the weather, or a current event, not feeling it's REAL!   I hear it, "I have cancer", Melanoma is cancer and now I am trying to get my head around, "Everything is clear...there was no discolouration, no enlarged lymph nodes, the Melanoma is gone.".  I can't explain it.   While having the good news I look forward to talking with Dr. Stratford, what now...and as Dr. Simon said, "next steps"!
I have to say it, I feel it so much right now...I feel so UGLY, yes U-G-L-Y with capitals!  I can't hid my disappointment in still noticing the bulge beneath the right side of my clothing where the lovely tube extends to the little pump clipped to the underside of my shirt each day.  I showered for my first time today, in six days!   I still am not able to wear a bra!   As a collective, all of these facts just make me feel Ugly...uglier than sin!
Let's face it I'm no longer the perky  fresh, little Miss I once was 20 years ago...oh, correction, longer ago than that~!  Twenty years ago I was pregnant with my third child and we know the "decline" had already begun!  I can be that honest about it!
Watching the musical "Priscilla Queen of the Dessert" I couldn't help but think I resembled the rough gal in the bar who thought she'd pick on Bernadette...oh how sad to think I saw myself...ribbed tank and not so coiffed do...the difference, she was actually wearing a bra!   I do w/o with discretion though, always wearing a little sweater or jacket to help conceal my state of affairs! LOL!
I tell John when this is all over, a really fun, get gussied up kind of night out is definitely in order.
I'd like to be done up to the nines!   Maybe a new dress, hair done to perfection, my makeup done; I know a top quality makeup Artist, and just want to feel some pretty!   I want to feel SEXY...that's it, I want my SEXY back!   I hope I can find it again!  : S

Day 63 - Thursday April 19th -Totally Tubular and not quite!

This morning I have put away a full basket of clean laundry and did the breakfast dishes.
Home Care, the lovely Jen arrives at 10:30 a.m as she said she would.   She is great, knows her stuff and has a good sense of humour.  Her humour evident in her noticing Dash needing to be right there on the bed to see what's going on and she had commented on the way he hops up the stairs...actually looking like he's hopping.  He actually seems to enjoy her presence and begins licking her arm as she is attending to my dressings.   I call for Alex to come get Dash, he's good but perhaps a little too friendly in light of Jen trying to do what has to be done.  He waits downstairs with Alex.
One of the first things she does is check our 'Drainage' records.  I am hoping to have the tube removed today, as it seems to be slowing up quite a lot.  She rises from the page in our little book and reminds me I need a TOTAL output of 30 ml.'s or less in a 24 hour period before it can be removed.  John and I misunderstood that, expecting anything consistent recording of just 30 mls. or less would give us rejoice in having the tube extricated.   Oh, oh dear, so not today.

Jen continues upbeat and announces how pleased she is with finding everything looking so good.  All is healing well, nice and clean at the incision and the opening for the drain.  Thanks to the arrival of additional med supplies she uses waterproof tape over the dressings to afford me my first shower in six days!!  YAY!
Our visit wraps up and Jen bids adieu 'til next time; likely Saturday and it could be Michelle or Sarah.  I embrace that this is also a little social time when I haven't felt very social of lately.
I've had mixed emotions today, one such emotion is JOY, that comes from a call from my family doctor.   I so appreciate that she called and recognized the need for me to know as soon as the information was available.  Test results from this surgery are in and all is clear!  YAY, no melanoma presented in the lymph nodes removed!  Exciting!  I thank her for my not having to wait until the 30th to hear this good news.  She says there will be more to discuss with Dr. S but she really felt I needed this news now.  A little happy dance ensues!
 xo

Day 59 HOME...and Home Care! ...

Today Home Care comes for their first visit.   Her name is Jen.   Upon her arrival she comes upstairs to my "Suite"; our daughter Ashley's room.  Her room has become  a lovely private medical convalescing suite.  I really is lovely.

I have prepared a basket for all of the medical supplies which had been sent home with us from the hospital.
Jen does all of the routine checks to begin; takes my temp., blood pressure, etc. and then goes about changing the dressings at the right underarm area.  She checks the records we are keeping for frequency and amount of drainage and frequency of medication and dosage.  I am eating well, lots of fluids, and at this point I am still taking advantage of much sleep.   I have been downstairs a few times as well, to congregate with Alex and John some.
Jen or another Home Care nurse will return on Tuesday.
I am just so tired and also at this point simply remain in my bed clothes because sleep is my biggest draw!

Day 58-Good Morning Starshine! It's Saturday!

It must be about 6:30/7:00 a.m.-ish when I hear footsteps coming toward my side of the room.   I open my eyes to see dark shoes beneath the curtain and think it's my hubby John.   I then look up toward the edge of the curtain and a smiling, ball cap clad Dr. S appears.   "Hello" I say, and think it's nice to see him in "civies"...but scrubs, etc., it's all just fine by me!   ...Back to reality, "Good morning!", he says and "How are you doing Catherine?".   I reply that I'm doing pretty good and sits on the edge of my bed next to my arm.  He lets me know he has spoken with John and shared that what he could see following the surgery looks very good, but of course we will have to wait for Pathology results.  Very good means no enlarged nodes, or discolouration.  He is signing me out and we may go home as soon as everything is prepared, ie: dressings changed, i.v done, etc. .   I enjoy a good breakfast and John arrives at about 9 a.m..  They are busy this morning and my day nurse  Lynn, apologizes and says she'll come back shortly to ready me to go home.   John and I talk and go over what Dr. S has shared with us, very hopeful sounding news.   I soon fall back asleep and then after some time Nurse Lynn returns.   She's apologetic but no need to be I enjoyed the chance to go back to sleep once more.
She removes the I.V, redresses the wounds; the incision and the opening where the drain tube extends from my body and packs up supplies to send to our home for the Home Care Team coming in.   I will miss the I.V drip cocktail, though Dr. S has kindly prepared two prescriptions for me in order to afford some level of sleep and comfort at home.

We are finally on our way home around noon.  We stop at the pharmacy to fill the prescriptions from Dr. S.
It's good to be home.   Funny thing being in the hospital sounds restful in theory, but it never really is as restful as you imagine.  All the goings on, the "night noise" in the halls and well intended interuptions in checking on patients, or patients calling out to nursing staff.   I have to say, I was in very good hands and couldn't have asked for better people to care for me.   Pre surgery to Post surgery  everyone was so wonderful.

Day 57- Things that Go Bump in the Night- Little things to Rejoice

It had been such a long day and into the evening realize; as does the nurse, that I haven't voided since before this morning's surgery.  I begin to wonder if I ever would again, and just as suggested by the nurse they will see what they can do to help that along if I haven't gone by 12:30 p.m. .
At this point I haven't a clue about the actual time in the evening it is, but suddenly have this familiar feeling in my lower abdomen.  While I hate to call, possibly disturbing my room mate who is finally able to enjoy sleep, I know I need to call.   A voice replies from through the intercom "How can I help you?", and then because I may be groggy and mumbling, hear, "You need to go to the bathroom?".   "Yes" I manage to reply.   My nurse Christina arrives and helps me from my bed to sit upon the commode and then politely waits by the door as I perform my duty.   Nothing happens right away and I am puzzled by the feeling of such immediacy only to have a lack of results, until finally a tiny dribble, of which I feel I had no real connection in making happen. I complete the task, she helps me back into bed and she bids me good night.
It seems like hardly 5 minutes later as I have already closed my eyes and settled back into the bed, and the nurse has surely had barely enough time to make it as far as the nurses station.  Again I feel that overwhelming sensation of a desire to void, once again and so soon!   I sit and think and fret that perhaps it's all my imagination due to my desire to void before they have to resort to any additional procedures!  How could I possibly need to go again already!?   I slowly and gently place my hands onto my lower abdomen and press ever so lightly and realize the truth, I DO need to void once again for REAL!
Hesitantly I ring for someone, they respond, "You need help Catherine?", I reply, "Yes, I'm sorry but I need to go to the washroom again.".   I imagine a look of disbelief upon the nurses face.
A different nurse arrives,  explains my nurse is with another patient, they have too many patients for the number of nurses this shift. I assure her it's o.k, that I understand.  She helps me to the commode, waits and waits.   I apologize for taking so long and she explains that following a catheter my "sphincter" is not working fully and it will take time to restore to it's normal functionality.  I appreciate that she has explained this.
She helps me back to bed and asks if I might feel confident enough to use the commode on my own.   I assure her I do and could likely have done so in the first place but was instructed I must call for assistance in avoiding any unnecessary mishaps...bumping into things and falls.
My next independent trip to the commode seems to go well, until I feel something fall against my arm.  It's dark and I can't really tell what it is and of course my imagination goes into high gear...I hear myself in my head saying, "What the hell was that?"!  I know there has been something done in my underarm and "right auxillary lymph node area", so in some measure of fright for having fallen apart, call for the nurse.
Christina comes and of course I explain there is something there that wasn't before.  She is at my bedside and then smiles at me, "No no, everything is fine Catherine, that's your drain and little pump and they are supposed to be there.  It may have been caught up in your gown.".   She assures me once again all is as it should be and once more bids me good night.  I so will not be calling for anyone the rest of the night.   I feel a little embarrassed and will happily blame it on the great drugs being pumped via I.V into my vains; a nice little cocktail mixed with Tramadol.   : D

It's a long night.   Many many trips to the commode and finding I was pretty steady on my feet, made my way to a nearby hand sanitizer.   At some point early on can't help but have noticed a very strong and unusual scent upon each visit to the "throne" and express my concerns.  The nurse assures me due to not having voided in some time and having little in the bladder has contributed to just that.   Whew, I was beginning to think what I thought "looked" like beans upon my dinner plate might actually have been asparagus!   Good drugs might very well have helped with that illusion!  I am quickly reminded of a very recent discussion on asparagus at work!  It makes me laugh-ouch!

xo

Day 57- It's that Day AGAIN! surgery #2

Well this was surgery day...Round Two!  Friday April 13th.  This surgery, "Complete Lymph Node Dissection".   The word Dissection aside it doesn't sound ALL that bad, right?  The first surgery, a "Sentinel Lymph node biopsy" and a large Excision.  This one IS a little more invasive, involved and includes one nights accommodation at the NHH.

The surgery scheduled for 12:30 a.m., actually underway by shortly after 1 p.m.!  Just when I thought I was headed straight for the surgical suite with the lovely Nurse Michael, he stops at the Day Surgery waiting room and I hear him let someone beyond the next set of doors know that he is with Mrs. Nevin, for Dr. S. .  I bid him adieu and as before I must sit and wait-when I could have continued my little nap on my bed in my room!!  Oh well.   I hang out with two gentleman also waiting to go for surgery, and funny thing...we're all wearing the same gowns...and in the same front to back and back to front overlay manner!  

This time round I haven't had so many tears in the last few weeks and I've worked at keeping them in check today, but as I lay on the surgical table waiting to drift off, my nose tingles and I know I can't hold back any longer.   The tears come easy and roll down my cheeks.  Dr. H.  The anesthesiologist had been talking with me just before I was escorted down the hall with Nurse Cathy. I had shared with Dr. H  about our sons upcoming journey to Korea to teach and we agreed that she should join John and I in making our own trip there to visit.   Once we have saved enough we'd set a date and she'd come along!   

On noticing my tears she quickly reminds me of our plans for Korea, and then another nurse suggests we could also visit England and visit her daughter...we all laugh together and I must then drift off!   Dr. H.  Would be a hoot to have along!

When she had called to me to go to the desk where she asks the final round of questions, she says,  "You look familiar!", I tell her we had a previous visit just five weeks earlier!  She thinks perhaps we should stop meeting like this and do lunch somewhere else!   Ah, love her humour!

I awake in what sounds like a wonderful place to be, but perhaps not, "Recovery Bay".   With a name like that there should be palm trees, a nice warm breeze and iv's with really yummy stuff pumping through your veins.   I am soon transferred back to my room where I have reservations for the night.  Dinner is included!  Oh the deals this place offers!

Dinner is pretty good.   I have some very good mashed potatoes, green and yellow beans, and breaded fish.  There is milk and juice and a fruit cup.   I eat about half of everything.  John leaves briefly to join his parents and our son Alex for dinner at East Side Mario's.   All I can think about is the bounty of warm bread they offer!   John is keen to smuggle some across to me but I decline, and know I will indulge at some point in the near future.

He returns to visit for a little after their dinner and then as I become rather sleepy again, decides to bid me good night.

Day 56-The "c" Word -Round Two...Hook me up and knock me out; chronicles of surgery...

Well...heading into the shower shortly, have some school work to do and a card to create, then off to bed!   Tomorrow I have what I've been calling a "Spa Day" at the NHH!   ...well, actually the day becomes an overnight!  That's right I've scored the opportunity to be a registered overnight guest with this surgery!

My package includes a late arrival; the last was for 7 a.m., this time for 10:30 with my "procedure" booked for 12:30!   It's nice I will have my own room to linger about in for those nearly two full hours!  I have a little bag packed with all the little comforts of home...including of course the standard in fresh underthings for the next morning!  LOL!...just like Mom always instructed!

Tomorrow's procedure is titled, "Complete Lymph Node Dissection", sounds wonderful doesn't it!?  I'm ready, well as one ever is for such things!   I have a great surgeon, and yes, I shall add he is lovely...to speak with, to answer questions, his fancy needle work and yes, yes, I cannot deny he is lovely to see...o.k, to visually admire!  There!...I said it.
This round may be a little harder to recover from with the greater depth of delving into the underarm area and it's invasive nature.  I have taken a little more time from work this round and hope to bounce back just as well having taken that time.  My last surgery was about 5 weeks ago.  While I have recovered well, my underarm area on both sides remains a little sore, though the right has been quite sore and there is considerable pain in the armpit...an "achy-throbby" pain.  This arm also suffers the ails of tennis elbow, a rather annoying affliction!

While nervous I'm sure, I'm not clearly focused on what is about to happen until meeting the surgical team and mid hopping up onto the gurney as they then hook up the i.v!   There will be more to think about and worry about afterwards, with two new appointments coming up; MRI and ultrasound, then post surgery results and perhaps a visit with an Oncologist!   Beyond the first mentioned appt.'s I can't think any further beyond, those alone simply add to a realm of many more questions!  Whew, and I'm going to take one day at a time and revel in some lovely visitors, good books, taking in some great movies and just s-l-e-e-p-i-n-g!!

Good night lovelies! xo

Blog to blog...presurgical happy!

I've had a lovely evening with a very Dear Friend...my tummy and heart are full after an evening of catching up and doing so while indulging in some very yummy food!
I've come home to read another very Dear Friends recent blogs and my heart and soul just filled up with happy thoughts and tunes!
While I've only publicly karaoked once, I feel a surge of such "Happy Thoughts" I imagine a greater courage than typical of myself and a desire to attend a karaoke and sing out loud and proud!  Wow, good friends, great food and many happy thoughts make for a fantastic boost in self confidence!  Until I make it out to another Karaoke night....this is what I have come up with in how a blog post impacted me and the "dancing" I'm doing in my heart and thoughts...even with a little clutsy in my stylin' steps!

Write it Down Dad...that's a good one!

It's Easter and we're all gathered at my parents house...I think my sister may be talking about the military and how she and other instructors addressed the recruits at times and my Dad recalls his days with the militia and one Sargent in particular with comments in regards to haircuts.   On hair needing to be cut this particular fellow was heard to exclaim...."Go get a hair cut son or you'll  have to climb a tree to take a shit!"!

It takes me a few moments to realize what that means; I've had a glass of wine, then along with family kill myself laughing!   Oh I swear my Dad has never told us that one!  I love it!   ROTFLMAO!

Day 47- Happy Thoughts(?) of Warm blankies, Owee's and Pain Meds, oh my!

I'm so tired these days somehow I am looking forward to my overnight at Spa NHH next Friday!   I'm just beat...so many things on my mind, so much happening and I'm almost forgetting about the part where I wake up to some brand new Ow's!  I will be instantly reminded of the fact I am heading toward my next surgery rather than a "spa" experience tomorrow morning as I call NHH for my pre-op interview! Yes, interview!
There will be questions asked, on their part and mine and instructions given and on hanging up the phone will recall all the elements of next weeks return visit to NHH!   Waiting around, a desire to eat following many hours of not eating anything in prep, needles, a little anxiety and new pains, will all be included in this package deal!   The part that will seem briefly spa-like will be the wonderful pre-warmed blankets available during the "wait for your call to your own personal surgical suite"!  The meds administered post surgery will offer some
I may perhaps extend my arms and say unto thy escort to the surgical suite,  "Take me I'm yours", I am that tired!

Lullaby Words.

Send me your joy,
In bright glimpses of sunshine.
Send me your smiles,
With gardens of spring .
Send me happy thoughts,
In memories shared.
Send me your embrace,
With hand written notes.
Send me your hope,
In your voice, I to hear.
Send me dreams,
In imagined adventure.
Send me adrift,
With your fluid words.
I have faith.

Day 46 - Ups, downs and sideways!...and a good fright night!

Well, it was a quiet weekend for the most part, perhaps Fridy night aside.  My lovely friend Tammy afforded me the opportunity not only to have some time with her, but to see the play "The Woman In Black"!  We both greatly enjoyed it!  I always feel the need for a good little mind and body jolting scare now and again!  There were many people there we knew, all out for the same thrill!  The theatre was full!   Congrats to all involved.

 A little jaunt to the Ganny Race Saturday...so glad we went down and had a chance to see some of the lovely people we have missed for some time...aside from running into them here and there!   We took lunch to our son working his usual Saturday out at Primitive Designs.   It was on our way there I had a few moments of sad/negative thoughts, while waiting for John to pick up orders for lunch from Harveys.   Those moments didn't last long and while I began to tear up, pushed it all back.   I had a few moments like that at random times over the weekend.  It's odd that I look forward to surgery on the 13th...surgery again!, because in getting that behind us will move to the next step, more results and more certainty of what to expect in the very near future.
I'm just so tired of thinking, even when I think I am not, thoughts invade me.
A few visitors at the house in the late afternoon and not quite as we might have thought would be our evening, but a VERY quiet evening and IN BED, by 9:30 P.M.!   We did the Earth Hour sitting/falling asleep in complete darkness in the livingroom and realizing we might as well be tucked in.  Why sit, fall asleep and fall over onto ones side when you can enjoy a completely horizontal state of rest in the comforts of ones actual bed!?

Sunday another very quiet day, with a quick dash to the grocery store and hardware store.  We picked up some grass seed; endorsed by Mark Cullen-as if that REALLY makes a difference to us, to repair an area of lawn which in the year previously was a flower bed at roadside!  Looking for less time consuming lawn affects and this year a most prominent thought!

Well, the second week into the Kindergarten Foundations and all that is involved; especially the behind the scenes tracking and paper work, I AM POOPED!
I'm sorry there isn't more here tonight, but I promise to have some exciting news to share in the near future!  For any smarty pants out there, no I AM NOT PREGNANT!  LOL, though at this point in life that would surely move me to tears!...or some form of uncertain histeria!    xo