Screwed!...A resolution of sorts!

Screw you nerves, I will rise and conquer!!!!!    Just sayin'!!!!!  Happy New Year!

New York in the mix!

While I admit to being quite a home body, I do enjoy what travel experience I have had to this point in my life but there hasn't been a great deal in the last several years and I would like to change that!  While Ireland, Scotland and a revisit to some of our great destinations right here in Canada come to mind, I have had a desire building within me and it really isn't so very far from home!
I want to go to New York!...New York city!  I have been through the state numerous times during my youth, enroute to Ohio to visit my Aunt and Uncle, but never have I had the thrill and privilege of seeing New York, the big Apple, etc.!     New York just keeps popping up...it seems everyone else is going or has been, this including two of my children!  My time has come!
Now being a procrastinator I need to get a few things in order.   First and foremost, my passport which expired Jan. 16, 1983...just a short while ago!  Yes, my last trip out of country; US. aside, and via flight was March 1978 to England on a school trip!
I need to continue to collect Air Miles and put a little mullah away for such a trip!   I might just get a wee bit selfish this New Year!   We've been doing our best to help the kids and before long at all our youngest will be leaving the nest and I think our time has almost come to spread our wings and see what adventures lie ahead for ourselves...like really, just for us!   Ooooo there's the selfish coming through see!!!

Well much remains to be seen but I'd like to see much!   I want to enjoy what we can and be glad of what we did rather than be saddened for what we never did!
Well, here's to standing in Time Square!  Cheers!!!!

Audition Blues!

Recently I auditioned for an upcoming play...a musical.   While prepping and happily working with a vocal instructor, the one important piece I forgot about was that I had not auditioned in two years for any play; musical or otherwise.   I was prepared to be nervous, as in the past no matter how well I prepared I was also prepared for my nerves to simply take over!   Fortunately while this does in fact happen, I have been able to keep "nerves" in check to some degree as well and deliver a half decent audition piece!
Well without having spent those past two years attending various auditions regularly; just for the experience, I found I was not able to keep my nerves in check!   GAH, tiny insignificant weaknesses in my voice were joined by a number of hard NOT to notice squeaks and cracks in my voice!   I may as well have been a young boy struggling with the embarrassing and unpredicatable throes of puberty!  I was more than well aware as each misaligned note came awkwardly forth from my pipes!   While the efforts were there the quality was not.
I have now made a pact; with a fellow theatre goer, to attend as many auditions as possible, whether with intention to partake in the said show or not, but simply for the experience in doing auditions and building a greater confidence in taking on the challenge the stronghold  my nerves seem to have on my ability to "bring it" to the table; table lined with directors etc., watching, listening for the best of the best!
I've come a long way baby and I'm not about to let this "Theatre Thing" that has been within me for such a long time go back to just being a crazy idea gnawing away at my being  again, I've unleashed it and I want to let it fly!  I have it within me and it just waits to be let out in full force!

Some good ol' Reflection

I have posted a couple of old stories I had written some time ago.   These stories written in trying to capture some emotions I must surely have been feeling as one realizes how time can so quickly and cruelly steal moments away from you that you take for granted.
I find myself thinking, when did I last play Barbies with my daughter and then realized we hadn't played again?  When was the last time our children built a fort together in the woods and called us to take a look?   With the children all grown; our youngest 17, it's not just those events anymore, I get a little worried when I stop to wonder when I last swam in a lake or skated on a pond, or went on a long bike ride...I'm a little worried about growing old because I've forgotten how to play!  I did remember last winter to hop onto the toboggan and take a run down the big hill close to my house and I'm glad I did...what a great feeling and it takes me back to some great times at Gardenhill and Elizabethville!

What I have to realize and focus on is that there are many opportunities for such play even yet and not let any more time go by wondering but rather making these things happen.  Of course my 17 year old isn't going to be playing Barbies any time soon again but I'm sure going to get that bicycle out and take it for a spin before the snow flies and will dust off my skates and be sure to take a glide on the ice this winter...I don't want to let "age" steal my fun away ever, so a big raspberry to giving up and a thumbs up to more play time!

Motherhood: The Job of a Lifetime; A lifetime Job

Motherhood: The job of a lifetime

By Cathy Nevin

So Mother’s Day is close at hand and what might I have

to say about being a mother? I admit that my mother

did tell me there would be "days like these," and yet

there into the realm of motherhood I went. I have an

abundance of stories from so many joyous moments and

occasions, but there too are the moments of sheer

frustration spent pondering the life of a carefree

single woman.

I’ve come to learn there is no lack of learning

opportunities that come with each stage of mothering.

The infant stage, draining but truly amazing as this

little person suddenly takes notice of your every move

and responds to you with that first wonderful smile

that energizes even the most fatigued of souls.

Toddlers—run run run—the world is so new to them they

can’t decide what to do and for how long to do it, so

you debate an afternoon nap or early bedtime and

wonder if your toddler will join you. With

preschoolers you rediscover the wonders of the world,

when what seems incredibly mundane to you is

incredibly amazing to them. With the school age child

you learn how to allow them to discover independence

and self-assurance, all the while ready to jump in and

help. Every age has its most memorable moments both

for the difficulty and the splendour of it all.

In our household, we’re not far from being a home full

of teenagers, at the ages of 18, 16 and 12 (officially

a preteen!). Yes, the dreaded teenagers! Each of them

like photo paper first entering the developer tray,

knowing generally what the picture is all about but

greatly anticipating just exactly how it will look

once fully developed. These three children are quite

diverse in their personalities and at times that can

certainly lead to conflict, while also more positively providing Dad and Mom with a continuing education of sorts. The fierce heart-pounding beat of a well-developed drummer playing a full set has given us the ability to be more tolerant and has led to a greater appreciation of the coordination skills it takes to play the drums. Our in-house theatre apprentice has re-educated us in the verse of William Shakespeare, while amazing us in his ability to speak it as eloquently as if it were his native tongue. Our youngest, enjoying the world of Equine, fast becomes very knowledgeable in the finer details of horsemanship and tacks her majestic steed with the greatest of ease.

I know as much as I have to teach my children, I have

most assuredly learned from them. While the learning

can be very trying (on both accounts, I’m certain)

given the chance I would not choose to miss any of it.

The greatest and most honourable role I will have in

my lifetime will be the role of Mom.

jcnevin@eagle.ca

By Cathy Nevin

August 18th, 2006

On this the day of my (our) 22^nd wedding anniversary I have to ponder my own question…Are we there yet?  And after all these years look to clarify just where THERE is?

Is it just me or do we always seem to be headed for a destination other than where we are?  I’m not talking about a location you could pinpoint on a map, but rather a place in time…that place as parents, people in general we are hoping to get to on the imagined map of our lives.

Do we ever really arrive and how do we know if we have?  With or without the added adventure of raising children anyone may keep a mindful sense of whether or not we are travelling along a well groomed highway with a specific direction or we are taking numerous little sidetrips on the not so obvious  backroads meandering their way along.

We ask ourselves if we are there yet or not while growing up..teen to adult, getting our drivers license, meeting someone we perceive as a prospective life partner, a new job, a new home, etc.!  Finding yourself “content” seems like the ultimate goal but do we ever become content, or will we always be looking for that “place”.  If you have children it’s easy to look ahead and wonder when you’ll get there…when will they talk, walk, etc.!

That’s when you want to be careful to stop wishing for the next step and embrace what’s happening right now…and you probably won’t learn it until much later.  My Mom used to tell me how fast time goes by and don’t wish your life away…and enjoy the kids while they are little, because in a blink that time is gone!!!  Of course I never believed her…well, until now!  Those very things have happened…my kids are nearly grown, time did fly and well…is this all sounding familiar?

The key in life whether you are married, have children, are in a relationship, or single and cruising along with your life plans…enjoy the trip…embrace the adventure and just take it all in.

Life isn’t about “getting there” …that place, that thing we are always after, our final destination...it’s about the adventure along the way and knowing enough to appreciate the journey!  The bumpy roads, the not so perfect perfect plans, etc….just have fun on the highway of life…there are sure to be some potholes but taking everything into account, it’s sure to be a hell of a ride!

Bike Ride

I wanna' go for a bike ride and throw my feet out to the air,
I wanna' go for a bike ride and roll like I just don't care!
Nobody ask me any questions I'll ignore you anyway,
'Cause I'm out on a bike ride and I've mentally run away!

Sing your own song, or zip it!

Just this past Sunday I decided I would like to try out in the Rogers (Tennis) Cup 2010 Canadian Anthem Competition.   The procrastinator that I can be was fine with dilly dallying...making excuses why I wouldn't make the deadline, or couldn't possibly compare to anyone else already submitted, but the challenger in me; realizing my weakness, rose to the challenge and I finally picked a take and submitted!   Let's understand that I recorded myself singing the anthem about 30 -40 times...while my husband is certain it was well over 50 takes.
Once I went to the Rogers Cup page on facebook to view the many other auditions I was astounded to find some woman posting comments on a few of the participants efforts.   I know you're thinking, "So what's the big deal?"!   Well this particular woman didn't appear to have had the guts to post an audition but took no time at all to find the audacity to make very negative and blatantly rude comments about others!   Who the hell does she think she is?  Regardless of any one person's talent or lack thereof she certainly shouldn't be doing this!  No-one thrives on negativity.  I thought perhaps she was a professional singer, or music teacher/coach but even if she was she would know better than to comment in the manner she was. Her picture depicts a very smart professional looking woman...but we now know she is cut from a far less respectable cloth!    Apparently she decided to forgo "constructive" and went directly to "criticisms"!   A number of the submissions are young kids just starting out, imagine the feeling; well, I can, when they submitted and then saw themselves on the site singing their hearts out and with the hopes of having a chance to sing at a national event!
One of this woman's comments to a young lady, about 15...."Sorry you can't sing!"  ...so hmmm, it may have been interpreted in a few different tones/context:  "SORRY, you can't SING!", "Sorry you can't SING!" and possibly, "Sorry you CAN'T sing!"!   Unfortunately in this instance it just doesn't matter how the comment is meant, it just doesn't translate with any manner of tact or kind consideration!

Since the competition closed all/most auditions have been removed from the Rogers Cup Facebook Page, but you can access them to view!   Everyone of the participants deserves congratulations for having the guts to try out....I'm one and yes it was difficult to stop the "takes", especially knowing my husband was quite at his limit in having to hear it sung over and over, followed by the statement, "Just one more try!"!
People need to give credit where it's due and remember if you can't say anything nice, Keep it to yourself! 
Here's to everyone singing for the Cup! Good  Luck to All and especially Madison Mikolic!

Proverb....I hope I'm a caterpillar

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world would end it became a butterfly."  Proverb

I'm not the most confident person, but I am trying!!  Over the past number of years; somehow feeling empowered as I approached 40, I have allowed-encouraged myself to try a number of new experiences!

No regrets!...just learning more and having fun doing so!

...But I'm certainly not done yet, I have lots to do...lots I want to do and hope my confidence continues to grow...because it's never too late to come out of the cocoon if you really want to! (right!?)

I want to ...not go crazy but not allow life to pass me by because I couldn't muster the courage to leave the cocoon!

Seize the day!   :o]

Thoughts on a Rainy Day...a blast from the past Monday, March 13, 2006

 While it's summer and now 2010 this old post reminded me of why a rainy day is so deliciously delightful and especially welcomed following such hot, humid, tiring, summer days, such as we have had several of this year!  Rain leaves you feeling inspired, rejuvenated, foot loose and fancy free!  and with more on that thought...

 Monday, March 13, 2006 On a rainy day  It's raining this morning but what a joy ...there is nothing so nice as sleeping in on a rainy day...the rain on the roof, the sound of a contented cat curled up beside me, the birds singing of their pleasure for the rain...while we could still be blasted with some late snowfalls spring is most definitely very close by. My desire to work outdoors, digging, raking changing the scene on a brand new spring canvas; my yard, gets greater with every day. A childhood memory of the scent of damp earth and mucky "rubber boot beckoning" mud....is as if I am in the very place I might have first discovered it! ...A rainy night, a rainy day....it's all good!

Go on...jump with all your joyful might into that mud puddle there...you know you want to!   :o]

When I Grow Up

Someone once asked "When do you know for sure you have/or are grown up?

One answer was it comes to pass when you purchase your first home. This struck me as very true-it's rather frightening while of course exciting!  Suddenly your signature is there etched upon quite a multitude of official papers committing you to many years of undeniable responsibility.

Of lately, I've had another revelation of deciding when one may feel like a grown up.  This time my thinking involves watching my own children take on new experiences and also in watching other younger children engage in activities my once young children used to partake in regularly.  Each of these instances left me feeling suddenly very grown up...well, o.k, perhaps a little "older"!

My children are suddenly old enough to make certain decisions regardless of my approval or disapproval and while that leaves me feeling grown-up I also feel a little less in control of what happens next!  Control...the nice part of being grown up...you call the shots!   
The young children I had been observing at play on the nearby sand hill could easily have been my own about 15 years ago.  There they were gathering items, helping each other carry said items into the woods to create a well planned fort.  Funny how while things change so much they really never do!

Growing up also means realizing everything changes ...everything that we hold fast to can change without any notice, without our approval, without our being able to keep that change from occurring!   One of the things I have begun to think about more than ever before is losing my parents.   Most recently someone I know lost one of their parents and only a very very short time after lost their other parent.  It's hard enough to even fathom the thought of such things happening but we know inevitably they do and knowing that certainly don't imagine losing both at the same time!  I recall when my Mom's Mother died and her telling me how much you can't imagine can't begin to realize what that does to you.   Of course we know we are all going to die but to truly have to consider the idea so concretely frightens one and leaves you completely at a loss for how to understand and move forward from such an experience.

All anyone can do is to live every day like you are a child discovering everything for the first time, embrace learning and never be afraid to admit to having learned-regardless of how smart you think you are, say hello to people as you pass, be prepared to offer a helping hand to someone...yes, even a stranger, take opportunities as they present themselves and love 'til it hurts to imagine losing the ones you love, there is no other way and while hurting you also experience the most soul felt, life affirming, heart filling wonder ever!
...And sing like no-one is listening!

I am grown up because I know enough to  take the time to be a kid once in a while and encourage children to be children as much as possible!


We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing!