Friday, October 11, 2013

Onward, upward and YES I CAN!

It's been a while since my last post here, but have I been meaning for some time to do just that!    Here it is Thanks Giving weekend and I KNOW I have plenty to be thankful for and much to go on about, so forgive me if my thoughts and words "meander" in so many different directions!

To begin, this past Tuesday marks 3 months since I did my last injection of Interferon and began freeing my body of the potent stuff that one hopes has SOME affect on whether or not and or how long I have before a possible recurrence of melanoma!   I know in the meantime the best thing I can do is enjoy getting back to whatever my new "normal" is including simply feeling better.   Interferon simply sucks the life out of you and like winning a lottery, when you do feel good do what you can to take advantage of it.   It had at times reminded me of the Ikea commercial, when realizing "HEY I feel pretty good today"..."JOHN, start the car, start the car"...let's get out for a while!  While I continue to tire pretty easily,feel little by little I am building on the ability to do a little more for a greater length of time as the weeks pass.

What good came of having experienced Cancer first hand?   Seems odd maybe to think there could be any good, but it's true, there is plenty of good.
It's important once in a while to just S-L-O-W D-O-W-N and take that time when you would otherwise be bound to a clock, to a something you previously felt you just HAD to do, get to, respond to, rush to.
I used to be petrified of needles and have been known to pass out, but having done self injections for eleven months, HEY, piece of cake!
Yay for my family being so supportive, especially my Hubby-yep, as if I didn't already know, but what a guy!   He's been the best!
I've come to realize at times my biggest obstacle to achieving things at times, has been myself.   From here on I'm trying to override any little negative voices in my head that say I "CAN"T", and prove to myself I CAN!   A tall order when you've been so good at talking yourself down far too often!
The above mentioned is proven in that I have picked up the paint brush and take delight in setting up the easel once again!   Creativity is at an all time high!    I'm dabbling more than ever with photography including doing some photo sessions with a few friends, which are so much fun!

Very recently both my Dad and Hubby's Dad had some very difficult times medically and one hates to admit it but we were scared.   There it is right in front of you and just when you had to face your own mortality in a very sobering and frightening time, you are faced with your parents mortality.   Not that we don't thing about that at times especially as they are aging, but suddenly it's immediately clear how very real it is that one day they will no longer be here with us in person.  Of course they will always be a part of us and their memory carries on with us and in our children and their future.    Both are doing much better and they too will be very thankful for another holiday to celebrate with family.

I'm so ready to look on the brighter side of things and while some days find myself worrying so about the "what ifs" but know too well that doesn't help and will only "trap" me in a bubble of doom and gloom and as if any of us need to intentionally worry about more every day than we already do, just because we're human!   There is far too much to experience in going forward to allow that kind of thinking to happen.

I had my first day in a working role, just yesterday since last November and while I was so very dogged even after only 6 hours, it felt good to be a part of the working world again.   I'm getting there and know I just have to be patient with myself, that alone is a big challenge, because on a good day it's easy to forget just how much time it has taken to come this far.

I've stopped the cancer count as you will note on some blog entries, from here on there's no counting except to count myself VERY thankful to be here all the days ahead of me!

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