Teenage Palpitations! ...And They Call it Puppy Love!

Well, one of those moments I have day dreamed about in my younger years has actually come to pass!   LOL, yes, it's true while I met and married the man I love who fills my heart there was another (young) man who made my heart swoon and whom I am certain I daydreamed of quite often as a (young) girl...Donny Osmond!    I recently met Donny and his beautiful sister Marie Osmond!   While a very brief few moments, it REALLY happened!  

It seemed a little surreal just viewing this dynamic duo from my seat as the Princes of Wales Theatre, as opposed to viewing them from the cozy comfort of my then living room at home way back in the 1970's on the new Sony Trinitron!    I owe the live experience to my In-Laws, who in seeking out a birthday gift for me back in October thought this was the ticket!    In presenting my gift my Mother-in-Law was rather concerned worrying the "ticket" may not be the thriller now it once would have been!   Well she needn't worry, though at first it didn't really seem possible or exciting because it just couldn't be, could it ...that I was going to SEE in person this gentleman who; he and all of his family, I crushed on so!   Initially I thought I would take my sister with me; also a fan, but when she felt she couldn't my darling Hubby jumped in; an evening out and a stay in the city.

The evening was fabulous!   They sure do put on a great show, both old and new material in the songs sang, photos and video shared and of course it was a Christmas show so helped get us into the spirit and oh the memories it brought back!    It was a little emotional too when finding yourself and all those around you singing along to the songs, word for word and with as much enthusiasm as you did as a young teen completely smitten with Donny (or Marie) and crushing hard!   Hubby was surprisingly enjoying it all as well; minus the "crushing" or word for word affect!   We both enjoyed it so much and the connection these two have with their audiences and make with their audience is so heartwarming.

Following the show we went 'round the corner to the backstage entrance; a little side street, where indeed the security fellow assured us they would be coming out and take a moment or two; thank heaven's to meet and greet everyone!    Hubby smiled and waited at the side of the building waving for me to go on ahead and not miss out!    I have to admit I was shaking slightly and the sometimes achy "old" feeling of my 50ish body instantly gave way to the dizzying internal feeling of being a teen at a much desired pop stars concert!    I look around me to see about 20 teens gathered; 40-60, immediately in the back stage corridor; not much room!  I notice two other teens, one actually about 19 and one in her 70's!   One fan in front of me began telling stories of seeing the Bay City Rollers and I caught myself excitedly responding with, "Exhibition Grounds!", she laughed and nodded and we both laughed in that we both were there and about almost falling from our seats in the stands; not made for standing on!    Another security fellow; working closely for Donny and Marie, steps up to the rail and in his most serious "security guy" face says, "We are going to be bringing them through very quickly and there are to be no photographs, you won't likely have time for autographs and they have a very tight schedule!"!

Oh I'm shaky and then....OMG, Donny emerges into the street and oh my that SMiLe there it ...there he is!   He's beautiful!   LOL, I am 9 years old again; that's when I sent them a photo of me playing the drums!    He touches hands, accepts booklets to sign and suddenly takes mine, "Merry Christmas Donny!", he looks right at me, "Merry Christmas", and in handing back my book touches my hand.   He has touched my hand, the "girl" next to me and I giggle and smile, a long awaited moment fulfilled!     Donny continues to his ride waiting and is quickly ushered to the care, but a young lady darts out AND gets a great selfie with him and then he is gone!   When I  suddenly feel the onset of (very strong) "JEALOUS", I remind myself what a lovely few moments I was just given.  I already have more than most to be so grateful for.
Marie comes out moments after Donny has left and she is so lovely; as beautiful as "Seen on TV" and in her personality!    She talks with everyone and I wish her a Merry Christmas and she returns the sentiment and then she is signing books, sharing photos from her cell phone and then she too is whisked away!    BIG Smiles as I go 'round the corner to return to my hubby and give him a big hug and he smiles back and says, "You won't want to wash that hand tonight will you!", and I say "No" and laugh.   Another great moment for 2014!   We take each others hand and head back to the hotel.

Recognizing the songs your heart sings!

Songs are far more powerful than one can imagine...until of course it's power is realized in our being transformed to a time long past.  A Song/music  finds our emotions quickly brought to life and with those emotions a feeling you think you had outgrown.    Oh music how I love thee and thank you for not ever forgetting the delight song brings to ones heart, even when it has grown to a distant age!

Refreshing Little Pauses

Sometimes we are stopped and unexpectedly our rush to complete a task, get to our destination or carry out our daily routine is thrown off course.    It might only be a matter of a very few short moments; in this case 3 minutes, but we are not pleased and rather impatient about it despite it's briefness!
It is not an unusual occurrence but when it presents itself in an unusual manner it is at first most annoying to us.     In this instance though I was not at all annoyed since it has become "usual" I have chosen rather to embrace it.

For several months as we travel east of Port Hope or travel west to Port Hope on highway 2 we have encountered a delay at the Hunco Farm bridge presently and still under construction.   I'll admit in coming to the bridge the first couple of encounters during this transition I found the delay somewhat inconvenient and time stealing, but after a number of travels back and forth not so much.  Now I rather look forward to and enjoy the delay or shall I say "Pause", a most pleasant pause and with camera in hand it is opportunity to embrace and enjoy!    I've taken several photos almost always as I head west returning home from points east.    I rather enjoy the scenery/backdrop from that vantage point.   Yesterday as we were stopped at the light I couldn't help but notice the person in line behind me in traffic produced a newspaper and embraced the chance to catch up on the news while stopped for those 3 minutes.  

This bridge reconstruction has for some of us become a welcome pause in our day, much in my mind like those at say Glenora; near Picton, waiting their turn to board the ferry.   The Glenora ferry is but a 2 minute ride across but those two minutes afford a calm reprieve from ones possibly demanding day and some great photo opps.

These little pauses we come to are a lesson in ones outlook in life ...grumble and perhaps be agitatedly impatient in what presents itself or embrace the positive in it and go happily on with a new and refreshed outlook!
Pause.
 

How much wood?...today's giggle!

I was heading out to Gilmer's and called up to my daughter, "I'm going out to get some wood!", I hear , "Bahahaha, o.k!"!

   :D

When you laugh like that!!!

We've all heard it said, "laughter is the best medicine" and I'm hoping each and every one of you will have experienced just that!     Not that laughter will mend bones, or cure the common cold; though it may induce a coughing fit,  nor will it cure cancer or other diseases, but it can help lift ones spirit and guide ones outlook in dealing with just such ills.

Haven't we all been there before, feeling so ill and completely drained of all our energy, or just so down, feeling the world is a massive weight of woe upon our shoulders?     When we have fallen into such depths of blues or are struggling so we are often pulled from it by surprise.   It often comes in the form of a caring friend or a loved one who knows us perhaps even better than we know ourselves and manages catching us off guard in saying something most ridiculous but maintaining a straight face until we catch it and share the realization of the humour shared!    Oh and when it happens you and the laughter inducing companion feel the weight lifted, both your faces light up, laughter fills the air and your bellies hurt from said laughter and maybe you even let out a snort or two!    While you haven't been cured, the situation remains or it's only a brief reprieve, it's equal to the most effective prescription ever written!    Laughter is good, it feels good and IS good for you!  
The following from the Mayo Clinic...
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456

We should take laughter more seriously, because it has much to offer us in our well being.   Almost three years ago when diagnosed with cancer, laughter was a very necessary daily dose as important as and even more important than my daily dose of vitamins perhaps!

Go on LOL, a.k.a laugh out loud, we love it when you laugh like that and contagious laughter is the best kind!

The Big Reveal

Everything off!

With a diagnosis of Melanoma it doesn't take long to realize just how important it is to be "checked out", scanned, looked at  from head to toe and up close!     You have to pay attention to your skin and any changes that may have or may be taking place.   I'll admit, as I have again and again to the dermatologist, the surgeon, the oncologist and my family doctor that in all of this "checking" and the necessity of doing so I can at times be just a tad paranoid with the possibility of finding something!

In the process of all tests and also treatment there was the photo session in making note of specific skin markings/spots to be recorded and viewed at later visits with the dermatologist in comparing for any changes as time rolls on, but even then one is permitted the coverage allowance of bra and panties and you are relieved for that allowance.

In my Derm's office it takes a very short time with first the assistant; who also asks a few questions,  and then with Dr. G; my dermatologist, to do a thorough going over.   Drum roll please ...and then they concur, everything seems to be fine   Yay, one step closer to the that five year NED marker; no evidence of disease.    As of next June I will be three years NED!

 Driving home I count my blessings once again and even the appointment card reads rather hopeful with the date of the next visit in May, springtime.

Baring it all is just one more step in saving my life from Melanoma, and that's just how I roll now!

A Life Remembered; I Will Remember You.

"She taught me how to dance. We actually met at a graduation party. I was the only one not on the dance floor, and her friend bet her that she couldn't get me to dance. I'd already said 'no' to ten girls, but she talked me into it. We were together 55 years. She died eight years ago, but I still dance every day."

(Mexico City, Mexico)

The above passage taken from a Facebook post by Humans of New York, in speaking with a gentleman who every day honours the memory of the love of his life in dancing every day.   What a lovely way he has found to honour her memory and find joy in every day.

In grieving for a loved one lost we all do it in our own unique way and there is no right no wrong, only understanding in knowing as much as we carry on  and  continue with our lives beyond our loss, we always have them with us.    Because we all remember those lost in very different ways there may be misunderstanding in how each of us remembers.    How do you or how will you remember a loved one when they are gone?    Will a song suddenly bring forth a memory of them, perhaps a place or destination where once you enjoyed a wonderful experience together.    Scents, scents are often a very strong reminder of something we recall...a place, a time, a person.  Furthermore, how will YOU be remembered or how would you wish to be remembered?

While we all have lost and will lose someone near and dear to our hearts, some will have the chance to say goodbye, but sometimes our loss is of a sudden and/or tragic nature.   Out of tragedy many find a need to create small shrines/memorials; if you will, to honour those lost, often at roadside where last their beloved was.   Not everyone feels the need and/nor will everyone feel it is appropriate, but how does one protest a hearts need to remember, to hold on.  Driving along any given road there may be noticed just such a memorial.   I have been documenting these in photographs and feel it is a very personal thing.   Who are we each to judge and perhaps not having been in similar shoes where we have carried the pain of losing someone so tragically.   I lost my niece when she was just five years old to a rare disease known as Histiocytosis.  I remember her every day and think about visits to her at Sick Kids, babysitting with her and her brother and how much fun I had, and how much her brother must miss her and who she might be today, would she be a mom?   Our memories fill our hearts.

One realizes and cannot ignore that any loss, in a sudden accident, in illness or disease,  or simply in having lived a full long life and succumbing to a body weary from such is a great loss.    Any loss brings the realization of the precious gift that our lives truly are.    In having read an article about one citizen questioning the need for one memorial's ongoing existence I couldn't help but imagine how I would feel if that memorial was someone I knew, a close friend or most painful, one of my own beloved family.      I have since that time been gathering information, photographs and right now putting out word for more, from anyone who might wish to share their own words in how you remember someone beloved to you, what suddenly makes you remember that person, what memory reminds you of the joy shared in knowing them.    For anyone who has lost someone suddenly in tragedy and/or having created a memorial to honour them, does that give you comfort and how.   What joyous moments do you take comfort in, in remembering?    

My hope is to create a book; it will take some time naturally.    If you wish to submit information and or photos you are welcome to email me at jcnevin@eagle.ca .    It needn't be a long piece, perhaps a sentence or two, but more if you are so inclined.   We need to be reminded even in unfortunate circumstances, sorrowful times we might need to talk about it, share of it's affect.   Lack of conversation about grieving isn't because people don't care, but because sometimes we just don't know how to start the conversation or even if we should.    

Rolling Rolling Rolling....Over the hill?

I've always been a little worried about growing old because I stop playing, so I enjoy trying hard to remember to play.

I need to remind myself in the winter to go for that toboggan ride, strap on the skates and do that one spin I know how to do, though technically if waiting for the judges score it may not truly be considered a spin; there might be a disqualification involved in a real competition.    I can't remember the last time I ever spent an afternoon playing Barbies with my daughter and it's not likely to happen again.    This IS going to be the year I strap on cross country skis and head into the forest trails once again; something I once did regularly and loved so much.   With much sun caution taken, take to the beach and have a swim in the summer.   Enjoy a long leisurely bike ride on a bright, breezy afternoon!    PLAY, yes play a little!

This past week; as in prior and future weeks, I was afforded the opportunity to work with a group of preschool age children.   While enjoying the daily outdoor time and in supervising the wee little cuties, a few were enjoying the chance to roll down a grassy bank on the play yard.   Watching them I suddenly realized I couldn't recall the last time I had enjoyed the same!    Maybe I should join in.   A little one standing close by raced with me up the hill and watched as I got into position and began to roll down!    Fun and brought back many memories of enjoying much outdoor play and then, I felt something I hadn't at all expected....I felt very ill!!!!    Oh I thought I might puke!    I aborted my "play mission" 3/4's of the way down the embankment and stood up!   Whoa...standing up should be done ever so slowly following the urge to puke!!!!  

Well now, will I do that again?    Crazily of course I will.    I live very closely to a ball park surrounded by gradual and not so gradual sloped banks and will take advantage of the chance to practice this particular play procedure!    I have young visitors now and again and may have grandchildren one day who will require Grandma join in!

I must confess however, I had no idea going "over the hill" would make me feel so "over the hill"!  I'm experiencing "over the hill" both physically and figuratively, but vow NOT to let that spoil my desire to keep playing!   Even while this old gal's body may betray me, my mind will keep me going one way or another!!!!   :)   I will return to grassy embankments!!!    Play on!

Counting Days...and Making Days Count!

I don't know when it happened but for some time following my cancer diagnosis I began adding a count to the days and in posting here included that count.    It seems some time ago I have stopped counting my days that followed diagnosis, but believe now I am more focused on making those days count.   I'm living and embracing EVERY day rather than counting each day that I live beyond the diagnosis.

Just a realization I had while here in the quiet of the evening.   Making the days count makes much more sense!   Imagine the impact on ones thoughts should my time actually come to an end and I will have left a 'number' representing the number of days lived since the diagnosis.   That would be horrible.     No longer counting each day that I live; past diagnosis, but making each day that I live, COUNT!   :)

Silence is golden, talking is nerve-wracking...one week of ASL

While away at an ASL Immersion Camp not so very long ago, I faced the challenge of using sign to communicate as opposed to verbal communication.    Now, if you know me you immediately realize the obvious challenge at hand, but it was much more difficult than obviously presumed!

During mealtimes there were writing tablets and pens placed every few feet upon the dining tables.  These tablets were most helpful in picking up communication via written communique, where signing skills left much to be desired or there is a lack of understanding in a mealtime conversation.  While one could also finger spell, that didn't always make for the most fluid continuity in a conversation.

Once we as campers got the hang of signing for the most part but also simply jotting down the misunderstood, it became nerve-wracking at times when you found yourself or someone close in proximity to you actually speaking aloud!   *GASP*s  followed by "Shhhh" in the moment a vocal utterance was released!    I myself felt in fear of "being caught" whether it was actually me or the person I might be in conversation with!    Imagine ME afraid of Talking!!! It struck me as both funny and incredibly WoW, that this experience could have that kind of impact.

"Vocies Off" a rule taken seriously at camp; by most,   to aid in the success as prospective scholars of ASL , in respect of the learning environment and respect for our instructors of the Deaf Community and Culture.  They were all very understanding when perhaps voices "On" happened and I commend them for their incredible amount of patience.   Somehow in my head perhaps I held a vision of having my knuckles rapped for using my voice!    For me silence was indeed golden and while hard to believe YES, talking became a nerve-wracking condition to work at controlling!  

Ch-ch-ch Changes....because that's just the way LIFE rolls!

Of recent, of lately, of previously...holy busy, crazy times!    I will come back to post more but just here to say what wild times we've been having.

Last weekend I was very happy to provide face painting for a local fundraiser for a family going through a most difficult time and it was amazing to see and hear of the amount of generosity and caring shown by our community in answering the call to gather in support of this family.

Our son and his roommates had an apartment fire and ever so grateful each of them was fine and as our son commented, people were quick to come to their aide and were most helpful in assuring they had anything they needed at this unsettling time.   He as are we,  grateful to know of such kindness in our community and again and again that is proven and this time for he and his roommates to be first hand witness to.

I had a recent breast biopsy and thankfully can report all came back normal.   The biopsy much like the mammograms undertaken prior to this was more uncomfortable than painful and the markings left behind similar to a small target image.  The tech/nurses and the doctor doing the procedure were all so wonderful and very caring in their approach.   Afterward one is left to rest for about a half hour and that can leave you with so many many thoughts drifting into your mind.   Scary times again but now so grateful for a non-threatening outcome as well as the care I received from those in Women's Health!

A week away to be immersed in American Sign Language brought joy, in remembering more ASL, realizing what I already know`, meeting so many wonderful people, very inspirational camp surroundings  and then too disheartening feelings in realizing how much conversational ASL has slipped from my memory.  For the first time since I was very young I experienced some measure of being homesick.   The experience was amazing, eye opening and I am again so grateful to have been a part of it and there will more about my week at camp soon.

My parents recently sold their home; within a week of being posted, and have settled into a new apartment.   It's quite lovely and one knows there are many memories to be made yet and such a lovely view from their balcony, but one also can't deny the pang felt driving past their former street where their lovely home was and so many memories made and shared.   It's odd the way these changes in life play on your mind and tug at your heart!

Oh so many changes, realizations tucked within each of these events in life and we have to know enough to embrace what was, accept what is and find positives in the changes at hand and know we WILL be fine.   You can't help sometimes to look at these things as part of what is somehow meant to be , at the very least seeking whatever positive may be found in it all even if very small.  Try to remind yourself with change there is always learning, growth and perhaps forces us to rethink, reimagine, remind ourselves, we're still here we still get a chance to make the day count and if we're lucky the day after, the year after!    Change is inevitable and you just have to make up your mind that does not CHANGE everything!