WaVeS

Waves roll, replenishing over and over.
Millions of particles of sand displaced again and again.
The wind ever pushing, until it crests.
Not unlike emotions.

Cathy Nevin
Tues. Mar. 6/12

Day 20 - Bring on MORE Happy Thoughts...it's a tough day inside my head.

I wish I could stay home and just take care of Cloud...hold him for a couple of hours and make sure he knows just how much we love him.  I woke up about 4:30 a.m and Cloud had come to our room and was curled up right beside me.   I love him so.  We know we have a decision to make and it will leave us broken hearted but be the better for Cloud as you can see he is growing more weary with each passing day.

I called the hospital this morning to confirm surgery time on Friday, I must be at the hospital by 7 a.m (gasp), and surgery is on for 9:30 a.m. .  Oh well, I WILL get a little extra sleep there!  ;o)  Today is the first day in a while I have had perhaps too many thoughts in my head that allowed to stay for any length of time invoke tears and they do on my way home today.   I try to drown them out with music and OTHER thoughts!

 Today is a busy day with regular happenings and then packing more of the weekly prizes for The Great Literacy Race; our student is away today, then staying later this afternoon to completely pack allllll bags destined for the special wrap up event at the Library tomorrow.  We packed several hundred books into book bags sorted to specific classrooms in specific schools all around the county. DONE.

I head downtown with initial intentions of indulging in another nap at the Pier!  Today though I decide to go visit someone and when they aren't in, do for the last 15 minutes before start time (2), head to the pier.  The waves are fabulous and while there is some water splashing and spraying up over the end of the pier and would be lovely to park there and drift off I decide to park along the east side and watch the waves roll into the beach.  I could spend hours here!
A full day in the OEYC, and then off to our evening program Winners at St. Joseph's school!  Our few regular families show up and are so appreciative of the program and really don't want this to be our last night.  I will miss a couple of the kids in particular!   It's been a good run and I do enjoy this program.   Next up, the 10 weeks I will spend in the Kindergarten class at Beatrice strong.

Well, it's getting late, my eyes grow heavy and I should head off to bed.  John has already headed up.
Good night to all.   xo

Day 19 - Monday Monday!

Ugh, it's Monday.   ...on the upside, it's a movie night with two lovely ladies I've been catching up with these days.   Glenda, whom I attended high school with and Wendy who has known John for a number of years!  Both ladies work at Shoppers downtown Port Hope, their specialty the post office!
A little dose of laughs with these ladies will surely inject a little more light heartedness into my day!  ...and does.
We enjoyed the movie the Vow, and while some very poignant and sad moments made some of our own funnies along the way and afterward went to the Black Bean and Steak for a drink; regular drinks, just a little above regular prices!   Glenda was treated because the bar tender had been into the post office and Glenda had really helped him out ...apparently he made many many trips back and forth and really wanted to have her pop by for a drink, compliments of him!   It was a fun night, met some people who know Alex; my son and met some others who were just fun to be around.
I came home to find our cat Cloud all curled up downstairs and really felt awful having to disturb him for his medication.  He's been so good about it though.   Upon heading to bed took him up to tuck him in where the food, water and litter box are easily accessible.

I am very tired...of sadness, of worry, of so much.
With each passing day the idea of being put under anesthetic and not "thinking" about anything for even a while on Friday for my surgery, is feeling more like an invite to a spa-like event than surgery .

Day 18 - Watching while another enjoys the simple pleasure of the sunshine

Our Cloud isn't doing so well, seems happy but is very thin and we're just having a couple of days here at home with him.   This afternoon John took him outside as he keeps going to the door to go out.   John walked about the yard with him and then he settled among the cedars bathing in the sunshine along Tullios lane just below our house.  He just wanted to lay in the sun and seemed so very contented doing so.   Poor fellow as weak as he is knows what he truly wants, just to be outdoors.   John went in and I then stayed with him a while before bringing him inside when we felt the air getting a bit colder.


It's been a rough weekend.   In retrospect a rough few weeks.   A quiet day here on the home front just getting some things done around the house and keeping an eye on our dear feline friend Cloud.

Cloud has begun to eat on his own!   I sat and watched him eating enthusiastically and I was moved to tears.  A nice shedding  tears of joy!   Amen!

Farewell to Cabaret...Bittersweet for Cast and Crew

This is the last night for Cabaret to WOW the audiences and they; cast and crew, will be both happy and sad!   Following the show tonight they will greatly enjoy some well deserved celebrations!  Much reminiscing and highlighting of great moments, behind the scenes "oops" and such and just celebrating the coming together of a fabulous group of people all intent on doing their very best in delivering a chin dropping, knock their socks off performance to an audience ripe with anticipation!
Sad because while they are immensely weary, sleep deprived and desperate for a return to the daily grind that is "normal" life, it is the more recent routine of late nights, fast food, hours of choreography and line runs and the camaraderie in putting the show together that will be missed!   There is a real HIGH in being on stage, performing, delivering that which the audience wants and doing it well and after it is all sad and done there is a real LOW, in that it's over.
If you missed Cabaret I am then sad for you, ah, you should have seen it!   Every aspect of the show makes the Northumberland Players shine so bright and each of the cast a star in their own right!   Fabulously done!
Enjoy yourselves tonight Cabaret Cast and Crew...tonight is your night~ it's your Cabaret!  <3 xo

Day 17 - Hometown Treasures

Up early today, in order that we get in to get our "hairs" done.   I'd almost forgotten that's how our former "DAC" Graham used to respond when noticing our new freshly coiffed hair..."Hey you got your "hairs" done-looks nice!".
Cloud slept with Alex all night.  Alex; our eldest son, said he didn't like to see him in the basement alone all night and I was feeling the same way.  He still looked so "trippy" late in the evening and non-reponsive to our contact.  He seems a little better this morning but having given him his required meds is once again not happy with us.  He wants so badly to be outdoors and I had let him out earlier very briefly and moments later went out to follow him.  He was in our neighbors yard and when I called to him, happily came to me.

My hair now "freshly coiffed" I imagine looking a little better than I might otherwise on Friday upon waking from my scheduled surgery.  While I might still awaken drooling, groggy and looking "trippy", my "hair's" stand a better chance of looking "in place"!  LOL!  ...especially when the "not so hard to look at" doctor comes to call!...oh, and John! ;o)
 For a "perk me up" following surgery I have picked up some of the latest product from the Wicked Wik shop...body frosting.  The Mulberry is so very lovely!   Rachel; the shop proprietor, has everything you need for a little self indulgence,  take a minute or (30) opportunities where your bathroom becomes your spa.with soaps, bath bombs, candles, creams and more!

We also stopped by Bibelot, another of my most favourite stores!  One day when the livingroom is finally refinished I hope to indulge in a wee bit of shopping there to add a few new touches to the decor/atmosphere of the room.   First, the bedroom and diningroom. The livingroom is going to be a big job...ceiling to floor!
I venture in to Bibelot for greeting cards...such lovely designs Patience Brewster and so many others, as well as unique gifts, trinkets, treasures and books!   We have found beautiful calligraphy sets which we were happy to gift our son and just today more such finds...and I think I'd like a set myself! ;o)  It's always a pleasure to stop by and browse and a quick visit with Elizabeth Stefoff, the shops proprietor; she also has the help of daughter Jann and Deborah C. there as well.  I am loving the colour she has recently adorned the walls in, with the help of "Hank" whom I was just introduced to today and told he does a marvelous job of painting...and especially in tight quarters!

Last stop before coming home; and all of this before noon today, My Sister's Closet.   I have money on account there from Christmas...compliments of my wonderful husband John!   It just feels like I'm walking in and spending without thinking about cost, though today even if I were the deals are amazing!   Triple treat with three colours of tags on sale at 50 % off!   I end up with two new tops and a pair of jeans for $17.00 and money left in the account!  LOVE IT!  I'm stealing Scotia Banks' saying...."I'm richer than I think"!

Day 16 - One turn of the kaleidoscope.

I'm really going to need some happy thoughts this weekend. Our cat Cloud is home but I'm really not sure how this is going to go. Very thin but had eaten today, ultrasound showed no obvious tumours etc., likely combination malfunctions with liver/pancreas and intestines due to not having eaten. He has medicine to be given by suringe and we'll keep watch over him. There is one other option but it is both costly and very time committed...to have a feeding tube put in his esophogus; it may or may not work and is meant to be temporary.


He's not very happy with us as we just administered the first dose. I hope there is a turn around, he seems so frail. I hate to see him this way, just the way it pains us to see our children ill. Positive thoughts for Cloud. I just want to hug him all night. I hope he will take up his usual place on my pillow tonight.






I feel like I have had the wind knocked out of me, no energy and just completed depleted!






Chris may have some very exciting news shortly, but I'd rather wait until we have further information. As I told him today though, it's a little light shining at a time when there seems to be so much dark. He said why is everything happening to our family right now? All I could think was it's just the way life sometimes goes.






"There's a time for everyone, If they only learn, That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn."






Happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts!

Day 15 - (a) HAIR away from Happy Thoughts

My day today doesn't pass without worrying about another family member, our cat Cloud, the eldest of our feline family.   He had an appt. with Dr. Shand this afternoon.
This evening I keep looking for him here at home and I know as I follow my bedtime routine I will check the porch rail for him at least once.   I know he is in good hands and will have medication this evening and likely a very good sleep.  They will have run blood tests to determine further his condition.   It was looking like there are liver disfunction as his skin and whites of his eyes are yellow.  At bedtime he always comes up to our bed, struts right past Dash; because he is the King of the house and can, then up onto my pillow and curls around my head.
  Good night Dear Cloud.

The rest of the day was alright nothing extraordinary to tell of, though was reminded by a dear friend of the amazing power listening to music through headphones can afford you in the happiness you feel and the strength you draw from that.   A few years ago I was one character in a most memorable cast of people for the Northumberland Players production of HAIR and spent many a night donning headphones and listening to the music over and over.   Often this involved also practicing the choreography to each piece.   In some manner, for a brief time, I owned our livingroom!  LOL!  It was so sad to see that production run come to an end as we truly became the tribe and indeed felt we were brothers and sisters and have maintained many of those connections!   Tonight that music was everything I didn't know I needed!   ...and John even ignored that I was singing out loud, while he watched the tv, in the same room!   That's why he's my Rock!...Maybe he should be my "Rambo" ...makes it through anything with me!  No ...I'll stick to my Rock...Rambo isn't one of my fave characters.
 I may be replacing Elton as my car pool tomorrow, taking the cast of HAIR along with me for a few days instead!   Tears of happiness stream while listening to HAIR...coupling the songs with the most wonderful of memories of being with some of the most amazing and beautiful people ever!

It's almost Friday and I look forward to the possibility of a "real" hair cut on Saturday morning at the hands of a trained professional, as opposed to "moi", doing a "home cut" beginning in the shower and ending in front of the bathroom mirror.    It could be moment from a horror movie...  "...a few moments alone in the bathroom when, as I open the drawer and am blinded by a glint of light reflected in a most shiny and sharp pair of scissors. Carefully and slowly I retrieve them and draw them up to where I can view them at their task in the mirror..."!  It's been since last August that I had a "real" haircut!
When people compliment me on my hair; assuming I had it professionally cut, I tell them not to do this again, because that only encourages me and gives me license/cause to cut my own hair again!

Well I am late getting to bed now, having been heading there from 10 p.m. each night, so I must go now and hope to have a good and full nights sleep; not always afforded me lately.
Good night to you.  xo

Day 14 - A Melting Pot of thoughts.

I begin the day feeling just completed exhausted.   I end the day feeling the very same, even having had a brief 10 minute siesta in the big comfy pleather chair at work; from 2:15 to 2:30.   It wasn't long but oh how I needed it.  I may do the same but that full half hour tomorrow before entering into the afternoon realm of child care.  The kids really tire me out!

This morning once again started off very quietly and THEN, it picked up rather suddenly!   I had the good fortune of being a volunteer for belaying training for the climbing wall!  That was cool and a bit of a rush!  First attempt I climbed about half way up, was a little "freaked out" and thought I might have to be brought down by a second climber, but was fine!  Lori the belayer trainee was great!   I did a second and third attempt and nearly made it to the final set of yellow rocks at the top, missing the opportunity to push the easy button by about three steps/rocks!   My arms were shaky; especially my bum arm = tennis elbow, and my legs were a little jello like!   This could be a brand new addiction.   It was a great distraction from my own mind and from the usual happening to occupy my mind and time on a Wednesday morning.   Immediately following my wall climb, it was time to set up the gym for Let's Get Physical, a program children and parents alike are very excited about; it really tires the kids out.   ; )

On my way home today I had the first "in-car" tears in several days.   Just a melting pot of thoughts; so much happening these days I'm surprised I'm not having daily tear fests in the car!   I stopped to pick up some items at the grocery store, including soft cat food and soft kitty treats.  Our cat Cloud seems unusually thin these days and somewhat frail in his manner and activity.  I have made an appt. with Nancy; our vet, tomorrow afternoon.
I know he is getting older but this recent change in him seems to have happened rather suddenly.  I do hope he's o.k.!   I bought the softer food just in case there are any teeth issues or such. Our son Chris brought Cloud home as a kitten, found at the petting zoo at the Port Hope Fair, I think Chris was ten years old at the time.   Cloud has been such a lovely cat, was mentored by the wonderful Lucky; R.I.P, and has mentored others since.   A great mouser, the most cuddly fellow and when really happy to cuddle likes to "nuzzle" your eye lids, or nip your brow!   Love him so.

I'm looking at the calendar and realize Monday I have an appt. with my family doctor and hope to cull some answers that were unanswered at the pre-op appt. last Friday.

Before jumping into my jammies I had run to my friends house to check on her cat.  Again I don't see the cat but actually think I may have heard her in the bedroom.   I leave a handmade notecard and joke that I wonder if there really is a cat, but I hope so, otherwise there are very hungry mice living in the house, but on the upside they appear to be litter trained!

Well, it's hump day and we're one day closer to the weekend!  YAY!   I remain exhausted so must bid you good night my dear friends; John will be telling me it's 10:00 p.m shortly.  Do you remember that on the news on a Friday night, the newscaster saying, "It's eleven o'clock do you know where your children are?", I do and my Mother instantly doing a run down of mine and my four siblings whereabouts.  Sleep well.  xo

Day 13 - Piering to Pause

Just as expected today was a VERY busy day.  The morning started off looking like a quiet calm day, not so typical of a Tuesday.   Typical, then arrived with great furor!
My final Mother Goose wrapped up and I ended with a layout of water, fruit and yogurt and lemon crisps.  It was a wonderful group, I only feel badly as I hadn't given them their certificates!   Dope!  I will see a number of the moms and was sure to encourage a new mom who joined the group, to keep coming back!

Between program times afternoon/evening I am afforded the loveliest long overdue return to the pier at the lake and arranging my seat, fluffing the little pillow we keep in the car and pulling the super soft red and blue blanket from the back seat, settle in for what would be the next 45 minutes.  I lock the doors, just in case; I hear my Mother's voice reminding me I should be careful!  In no time I have fallen asleep, awakening to the sound of a seagull screeching and it is 4:15 p.m .   I feel such accomplishment.  The petty cash cheque for work cashed, a treat purchased at the Dutch Oven and nap at the pier with plenty of time to get to the school, I've made very good use of the time.   I want to nap there every day, but I don't get that time to be away from the centre for a break.   I reminisce about my contract days working with two very lovely little boys with Autism.   I worked one week in PH and the other in Cobourg and had a REAL lunch!  Well, off I go!

This evenings Winners went well.  Dinner, turkey pot pie loose with delicious tea biscuits and our lovely Shelley from the HKPR served up fruit kabobs and yogurt for the snack.  I had a wonderful little boy call out to me from down the hall before leaving, "Can I hug you?" and then ran and leapt into my arms with a big smile and a wrap around me kind of hug!   That, made the whole evening so very worth while!  <3
We do our cleanup, sum up the evening and all head home.
I walk in ...head upstairs and there are my jammies and our lovely feline friend Cloud; age 13, full of cuddles and snuggles.
John reminds me I have 'til 10 p.m and then it's bedtime.   I say, "Yes mastah!" ...and he is reminding me again now.   It's kind of him but I feel slightly annoyed.  I think I want a bedtime snack and a drink first.

I talked with my daughter tonight we are both looking forward to the weekend.  We need a get out and have a roaring good time kind of release!   Soon enough! ...or not nearly soon enough!  But soon.
I must call my Mom and then it's bedtime.