Flashing....and I WISH at times I COULD take my clothes off!

Happy Birthday to ME, October 6th and no need to tell the year it all began because as I delve into this particular blog topic you will most certainly be able to guess within very good proximity my birth year!!

Not so very long ago, a short few weeks before my recent birthday I was busy doing this n' that about the house when I realized what an immensely sweaty state I was in.   Not unusual when one is bustling about, cleaning, organizing, up and down stairs, hanging laundry but somehow this seemed a taad more profuse measure of sweat.   My bangs were wet, the hair at the nape of my neck, very well dampened and I hadn't ever noticed this happening during the usual 'run' of household tasks.

I let it go and one afternoon while doing a couple of small tasks outdoors, found myself in same state once again.   Hmmm, it was a warmish day, but I was dressed in light clothing and it wasn't the humid kind of warm we had our share of earlier in the season, so ceased my activity outdoors and took a shower for the second time that day.
 
When this has happened repeatedly over the next couple of weeks and even on slightly cool days, I begin to wonder if, maybe, just maybe something evil is about!  By evil, yes I speak of the dreaded "hot flashes" due to menopause!!!!!   Oh dear heavens!!!   I thought certain that perhaps I was going to be one of those who while did experience some of the quirks of said condition I was going to skip on through without the annoyance; for self and spouse, of the inner inferno that presents itself outwardly with a flushed glistening of ones self.

Of recently; the last two weeks, I have had a very bad cold and when I openly pondered the presence of such warming/sweat inducing moments recurring, those I confided in reassured me it was just the cold.   Well, the cold is all but gone now and those "recurring moments" continue to recur.   I  am it seems most assuredly in the throws of HOT FLASHES; a.k.a peri menopause.
 Yes, yes, there is a tower fan at the side of my bed; three feet away, with remote less than a foot from my pillow!    Our truck has old school roll down windows and no air; it's amazing how quickly I can send those windows into a frenzy of full descent!     While accompanied in the other vehicle with Air conditioning, it's nice that on a warmer day the second party can quickly have their window down at the push of a button to warm up as I flip the switch to enjoy a nice cool blast of icy cold on my side.   Winter we'll play the reverse roles I imagine!
Oh ya', I'm HOT all right and while I can't reduce layers in public there is a new reason to be thankful for draperies and window blinds here at home!!!!  

Onward, upward and YES I CAN!

It's been a while since my last post here, but have I been meaning for some time to do just that!    Here it is Thanks Giving weekend and I KNOW I have plenty to be thankful for and much to go on about, so forgive me if my thoughts and words "meander" in so many different directions!

To begin, this past Tuesday marks 3 months since I did my last injection of Interferon and began freeing my body of the potent stuff that one hopes has SOME affect on whether or not and or how long I have before a possible recurrence of melanoma!   I know in the meantime the best thing I can do is enjoy getting back to whatever my new "normal" is including simply feeling better.   Interferon simply sucks the life out of you and like winning a lottery, when you do feel good do what you can to take advantage of it.   It had at times reminded me of the Ikea commercial, when realizing "HEY I feel pretty good today"..."JOHN, start the car, start the car"...let's get out for a while!  While I continue to tire pretty easily,feel little by little I am building on the ability to do a little more for a greater length of time as the weeks pass.

What good came of having experienced Cancer first hand?   Seems odd maybe to think there could be any good, but it's true, there is plenty of good.
It's important once in a while to just S-L-O-W D-O-W-N and take that time when you would otherwise be bound to a clock, to a something you previously felt you just HAD to do, get to, respond to, rush to.
I used to be petrified of needles and have been known to pass out, but having done self injections for eleven months, HEY, piece of cake!
Yay for my family being so supportive, especially my Hubby-yep, as if I didn't already know, but what a guy!   He's been the best!
I've come to realize at times my biggest obstacle to achieving things at times, has been myself.   From here on I'm trying to override any little negative voices in my head that say I "CAN"T", and prove to myself I CAN!   A tall order when you've been so good at talking yourself down far too often!
The above mentioned is proven in that I have picked up the paint brush and take delight in setting up the easel once again!   Creativity is at an all time high!    I'm dabbling more than ever with photography including doing some photo sessions with a few friends, which are so much fun!

Very recently both my Dad and Hubby's Dad had some very difficult times medically and one hates to admit it but we were scared.   There it is right in front of you and just when you had to face your own mortality in a very sobering and frightening time, you are faced with your parents mortality.   Not that we don't thing about that at times especially as they are aging, but suddenly it's immediately clear how very real it is that one day they will no longer be here with us in person.  Of course they will always be a part of us and their memory carries on with us and in our children and their future.    Both are doing much better and they too will be very thankful for another holiday to celebrate with family.

I'm so ready to look on the brighter side of things and while some days find myself worrying so about the "what ifs" but know too well that doesn't help and will only "trap" me in a bubble of doom and gloom and as if any of us need to intentionally worry about more every day than we already do, just because we're human!   There is far too much to experience in going forward to allow that kind of thinking to happen.

I had my first day in a working role, just yesterday since last November and while I was so very dogged even after only 6 hours, it felt good to be a part of the working world again.   I'm getting there and know I just have to be patient with myself, that alone is a big challenge, because on a good day it's easy to forget just how much time it has taken to come this far.

I've stopped the cancer count as you will note on some blog entries, from here on there's no counting except to count myself VERY thankful to be here all the days ahead of me!

In the name of iMac....the "Apple" of everyone's eye!...apparently!

April 2013

If you ever wondered how to garner attention from complete strangers,  in the
form of compliments, praise, accolades, well I know just the way!

With our son's Mac Computer in hand and travelling via subway and city sidewalk, we headed to the Apple store for updates that had been requested via a letter from Apple.    The cool part too was our son had received notification for such via an email from Apple, while he was residing in South Korea for one year.    Our son then let us know of the notification and set up our appointment with Apple at the Eaton's Centre, Toronto, from his lap top in Namyangju, from half way across the world.

Carrying the 27" screen was a little cumbersome, but as we went along it didn't seem as bad as we were high fived, and given notable praise and instant friendly greetings by the world of fans of Apple!

It felt like we were a tv ad and it would have been a great one too!   For all anyone knew it could have been just the box itself and having realized that, thought, "HEY, maybe I'll come into the city with JUST the MAC BOX!"   and do a little social study!   It was a real "boost" for the ol' ego, everywhere we went we got noticed...or should I say the MAC did!


"HEY great choice of computer!"
"Wow, lucky new owners of a Mac!!"
"You're going to love your choice!"
"Hey you got a mac, you made the right decision!"

There was one high five given, many big smiles, numerous "thumbs up", and people who noticed as they passed by and then did a 360 turn to be sure to congratulate us on what appeared to be our new purchase!

   Mac; if it could talk,  John and I rather enjoyed the experience non-the-less, and it only gave me greater desire to go back to T.O or anywhere for that matter and do the FREE HUG and make document of reactions.    It made me think too about what we as a society will stop and take notice of and what we choose to ignore.   Where we will instantly involve ourselves with others and where we will go out of our way to avoid people.   Knowing what is valued over what often should be valued makes me sad, but I have to admit that knowing how easily people reached out to a perfect stranger; in a very small and while not so very meaningful way, made me feel there IS hope for us as people!!!!!!
: )

I BeLEAF, I BeLEAF!

 A great big unexpected event happened in my life this past year, so why shouldn't it happen for the Leafs too, but a positive event!   Don't get me wrong as I have had some wonderful new events present themselves in having had the unexpected happen and so for the Leafs I wish for a really big positive event long overdue!

I've really been excited about the Leafs being in the playoffs - anything to be excited for the Leafs!
The only difficulty I am finding is that even with a much shorter hockey season and playoff season, it seems almost agonizing every time I think "this is it" and ask, "...so who do they play after this?"...and to this point John has always answered, "Boston".   I usually respond with, "AGAIN!".  I know I know, I'm slowly catching on...the best of 7, The BEST of SEVEN!

Well tonight we dawned our jerseys and I've been reminiscing about one of two games we ever attended a few years ago...who knows maybe the only two we will ever attend at the prices...the tickets were given to us.   Whether you like hockey or not, like many events, seeing it live is a pretty exciting experience in any case!   The game is entertaining but if the action is a little lack luster, there is always the sport of people watching...that never gets dull!!!

Well I'm off to bed with a happy heart knowing the leafs won tonight's game, but full of anxiety as well knowing tomorrow night if they don't win their final game against Boston, oh let's not even go there and ride the blue wave!!!!  I really really would love to see the Stanley Cup held high by the men in blue!  Yip, yip, yippee!
Go Leafs Go!

A Friendly Giant On Any Stage.

Recently I read an article from Eagle.ca with regards to the lovely Bob Homme, a.k.a, the Friendly Giant.
Myself and many from my generation and later my own children, would have felt very much a part of a special group of company entering into the living room at the castle for a morning with Friendly, Jerome Giraffe, and Rusty the Rooster and perhaps a surprise guest each week as well.
Years ago while writing on a fairly regular basis for a local column, I had written a piece about Friendly, having spoken with and invited him to dinner at the child care setting I was working in and then later having the opportunity to meet with and talk with him.

 Imagine ones delight to find that just as he was such a pleasure to listen to on television he was every bit the gentle giant to meet in real life and you felt so much joy in just listening to him.

The Good, the Bad and the Lesson-all in a memory!

Yesterday and today I have noticed a Daddy and his little girl down at the parking lot working together to teach her how to ride a two wheeler.   It's a sweet visual and brings a flood of bittersweet thoughts to me.   I love watching and wonder if they realize what a magic time it really is for both of them and having said that recall my own children learning to ride a bike and on our street and in that very parking lot as well.   Over the years we have seen many a new cyclist meet there successful first ride right there and that goes for new drivers as well practicing parking skills and more.

I am transported back to yesteryear and it's a happy and sad moment realizing so much time has passed as well as so many memorable moments.   Of course with children the opposite happens as well.  You know when you're in a store or somewhere public and you hear a child crying or screaming; out of temper, and you just can't help but think, "Thank God it's not mine!"!   Memorable and long since forgotten.

Back to the lessons in the parking lot, as I look out the window and watch the Dad cautiously step back and the new rider confidently roll forward, I think wow that could easily be Ashley and her Daddy, but remember how she has just had her twentieth birthday!   It goes so quickly.   Next week will be Mother's Day and that in itself holds some special memories from once upon a few years ago so with "the lesson" and also Mother's day fast approaching here is a story from that time and the weather today is just as it was on that day of "The Lesson".   Ah the memories.

 

The Lesson…a memorable Mother’s Day  1999

Just when you feel at wits end with your children and the world feels a wreck, something wonderful happens and a flood of joy restores your weary soul!  This Mother’s joyful restoration came on Mother’s Day!

The past couple of weeks had been plagued with seemingly endless hours of homework, my eldest son (Intrepid) had been assigned or was trying to catch up on.  Dear Ol’ Mom pulled up the coaches seat; or perhaps the coaxer’s seat, to ensure he reached the end before dooms day.  Dooms day of course is the due date.

Our younger son (Kid Brother) bewildered with what to do without Intrepid available was not a happy camper.   His only happiness now would come in spurts of opportunities to poke at the sensitive nerve endings of his little sister(Little Miss).

While I concentrated on keeping Intrepid's attention focused on his school work, Hubby had his hands full trying to keep the peace between Kid Brother and Little Miss.   Not an easy job!!!

These two children are extremely stubborn at times, ‘er what I mean to say is equally strong willed.

Intrepid and I busy at the desk, Little Miss contentedly plays with her Barbies, and Kid Brother meanders through the house proclaiming his great boredom.  Hubby and I attempt to help him out by rhyming off various activities he might consider pursuing.  He takes on a stance of the unmovable and and shaking his head gives a resounding “NO”!   Then, knowing what I’m about to suggest may not be well received I do the unthinkable; it’s a very touchy subject.   We know better than to speak of it, but Hubby and I say in what is sure to be painful unison from Kid Brother’s point of view, “Why don’t you try riding your bike?” !   It’s too late, we can’t retract, but much to our delightful surprise he says,

“O.K.!” !  

Hubby says, “Great!”.  Coach and apprentice then look forward to a little one on one time.  …That’s when Little Miss, the ever present little sister overhears and she too wants to join them.  Following a thankfully brief “kerfuffle” the trio; Hubby, Kid Brother and Little Miss-Tagalong go out into the great outdoors.

Independently standing at driveway’s end where the street is a gentle slope, one foot on the peddle, one foot on the ground, the last moment of doubt melting away, he lifts his foot and he’s off!  Down the hill and still going as he steers round the corner!  The moment is magic having had many attempts prior to this day!

I crank the window full out expand my lungs and shout, “Way to go, you did it.  Yahoo, yes, yahoo!”.   Hubby is looking very pleased for the encouragement worked and for our son’s success.

Moments later Kid Brother bursts through the door sporting a smile almost too large for himself.  We share a victory hug and in a flash he has flown away on his bicycle once again.

Finally having completed his work, Intrepid joins Kid Brother outdoors.  With Kid Brother wrapped in a blanket of confidence they work together as a team; a touching moment, to provide Little Miss with the same!

It seemed in just the blink of an eye, with brotherly words of encouragement and physical support, Little Miss was soon in full flight on wheels.  From the peanut gallery Hubby and I cheer them all on; the newest cyclist and her coaches.

Isn’t it great when they show themselves just how much they really do care for each other.  More of that kind of support for each other and we know we’ll all be just fine.

As a mom, it’s great to know some days are just like that!  : )

Day 444- The "c" word -Ten Months and holding on! : )

The Long...

(Heavy)

                                                         and the short of this experience!  (Wispy light)


 I can't believe next week will bring me to the tenth month of my treatment with Interferon!   It's been such a looooong year and while happy to be alive to count these days, each day I wake with a horrible cloak of dread, negative thoughts, and almost always accompanied by a sense of physical ill and it really is a big job to force myself to crawl away from my bed.
Wednesday was a wonderful day, I felt pretty good, not bad, while Tuesday was a terrible day, I felt very ill and Thursday was awful,  much like Tuesday.  I know I just have to appreciate the good days and make as much of those  when they come along.

Friday I met with a friend who I met early on as we were both sent to our assigned chair in the chemo suite at Lakeridge.   We had begun our treatment plan at the exact time only later becoming a week apart in our Interferon when the oncologist booked her start on the maintenance after he had a week's holidays.   We both agree the extreme and ongoing headaches and severe fatigue are the worst of the side effects.  Tylenol is our new best friend!!  Our hair is similar in how much thinner it is and that we both went shorter, different enough in fact when looking for each other we walked right past each other.   We laughed!   In our defense it's been a couple of months since we've seen each other...like perhaps last fall!!!

It was good to compare what each of us has been feeling and know we could relate as far as side effects, including the emotional roller coaster one feels one is on at times.  We have the same oncologist and and just seem to hit it off with each other and make for good support for each other.  I'm not much of a texter, but that's how we tend to communicate so I'm gaining some new texting skills!  LOL!

I hope we will be able to share a future of NED; no evidence of disease, dodging any further melanoma bullets!   While having been a cancer patient really sucks, it has brought me new acquaintances, some positive new experineces and what I'm sure is a long term friendship and that's a positive!   We've both had a difficult year and for reasons beyond our own health as well, but we're here for each other and both are very lucky to have additional friends keeping us looking ahead and thinking positively!  I thank you all; you know who you are!  : )

I know there are days when I simply don't feel like being around anyone and I'm sure on those days people wouldn't want to be around me either!  

Hannibal and the Waxing!

Three weeks ago I mentioned needing to shave my legs; not that anyone sees them lately as I play somewhat of a hermit.    My daughter seemed almost excited to hear this and piped in that she could wax them.   "Great" I say, and then she adds I will need to continue growing the hair for another two weeks in order that we have a successful waxing!
I look at John and apologize, he laughs, I do as well.   We laugh at that point not knowing the terror that waxing brings to ones body.

I had been looking at John's eyebrows and as our daughter has pointed out on many occasion, yep they are quite unruly even for a man.   She plans to wax her father's brow's as  well.   The night she did my legs and was to do his brows, he went to bed before she arrived home.   Hmmmm...an escape plan?  I think maybe!

The evening of the event would be a second of firsts for me that day as my daughter had also dyed my hair; first professional dye job for me, just as I was deciding maybe I was ready to let the gray reign.  She was my wake up call that morning and in my groggy state I hear her telling me to get out of bed because I need to be at the salon for a noon appointment.   That went well, completely painless and I was rather pleased with the fresh new look she afforded me, including a tiny trim to the bangs and hair at the nape of my neck.

...And so evening falls and it is WAX TIME!   The wax pot is plugged in just shortly before my "waxer" arrives home, tear strips at the ready and spread sticks awaiting their first glide over grizzly grounds.   My leg hair is pretty long!   Earlier in the week I attended Yoga for the first time in several weeks and any time the pose/stretch included the raising of the legs I cringed at the thought of my pant legs racing back down to my thighs exposing my "grizzly" legs, but was very fortunate in that I do believe the grizzly state of my leg hair held my pant legs in their appropriate place!
The first round...Wax spread like butter upon my shins and then the tear strip; aptly named, then applied and smoothed over the wax, and then OMG, HOLY HELL GOODBYE GRIZZLY, that SMARTS!!!
I don't remember how many strips it took to complete the first leg but you can be assured I was already thinking about that second leg and the fact that while being nearly finished the first leg gave me no comfort, knowing there was a whole other leg!!!
I suggested we take a break; I needed to catch my breath.   I'm not sure at this point which I find more frightening, watching the episode of Hannibal playing out before us on the tv screen, or considering the fright of another episode of "Hair on the tear".   I wonder too if while this is also tiring for my daughter, hmmm, does she enjoy the opportunity to induce a little pain in pay back for moments of wronged I may have inflicted upon her?
We soon continue on and while I don't know how long I will possess the teeth clenched, eyes shut and wincing face, well after the painful deed is done, I survived and I thank my daughter!   I thank her?

Fun, fun fun....the real kind please!

Here I am, it's March almost April and this whole adventure began just over a year ago!   The adventure, Melanoma!  Of course in the routine testing following two surgeries; SLN and SLND, there were also a Bone Scan, CT Scan, MRI and Pelvic ultrasounds.  

As if melanoma wasn't enough...the surgeries, the chemo and one year of self injections three nights a week; now eight months in, I've had some additional surprises challenge my strength even further!

You really don't know how strong you are until you are tested and presented with the choice to fight or lay down and let the obstacles rule!   No way am I willing to just lie down and these things rule me!

First the melanoma and after a number of months have become used to the routine of doctors appointments, various meds and yes the injections and their array of side effects!

Up next, just days following a follow up to a mammogram and ultrasound for skin changes in one breast, found a lump in the opposite breast.   Scaaaarrrry!   The lump was not one I really had to be certain was there when looking in the mirror it was visually very apparent.   An additional follow up to this is scheduled for June.

Add to all the fun of the above, the onslaught of a very unscheduled peri menopause event!   Fifteen days later the event stops; for now!!!!   I am sure some of what I am feeling these last few weeks has connection to that.   I am so weak and more tired than even the new usual tired from the effects of the Interferon!  Wow, if I could simply pick up a phone and call Mother Nature, I would be ranting like a,
a, well,  ....peri menopausal, stark raving, hormonal bitch!  What a sure fire way to have spoiled an evening out; first since October, not pleasant!   I had an appointment with my family doctor yes terday and it does seem this is the next stage in my post fifty adventure!  Yippee, one more unexpected twist to this crazy year I've had! Oh well I can only imagine how fantastic this next year is sure to be in light of everything I have already gone through!!!
Here's looking to "fun" adventures ahead!   Like REAL fun!

Eew, Hair in the bathtub! Feb. 2013

If you've ever been the lucky one left to clear human hair from the tub drain, then you know just how disgustingly gross that is!  A tangle of hair covered in soapy slime is a sure fire recipe for gagging!

Recently my daughter asked if I'd mind helping her to clean her hair extensions and I was happy to!  Entering into the bathroom the view afforded me looked more like a scene from Disclosure with Demi Moores near final scene than "salon like" activity about to take place!
Hanging all along the edge of the bathtub long tresses of hair that could have belonged to someone submerged in the depths of the tub.   I've never been so thankful to know those tresses were extensions and not actually attached to a person's scalp.

Ashley had had her hair cut to just above her shoulders but within a couple of weeks was missing her former longer locks.  Her solution was easy then, just purchase some good quality extensions.

...And there I was, adding conditioner to each strand of extension, making sure every hair; which happens to be real hair, benefits from a full treatment.

First glance upon the task at hand sent shivers down my spine - a "hair raising" experience!  From here on of course it's just a "normal" grooming experience.
Hair's to that!

Dishing out a new direction! Happy New Year!

Well, Happy New Year.   I am using my good china every day now and while it would seem that was a New Year's resolution, it was not.  This may sound corny, but like Mary Poppin's can't ignore the "winds of change"!   ...Oh those winds have been stirring things up a lot this year and some changes have not been so good while others are rather refreshing and inspiring!
Back in the fall I simply had an epiphany and wondered why do I not use my china more, especially when it is stored in the bottom of the buffet and quite a chore to get out for those few special occasions?   That very moment I rearranged my kitchen cupboards, moved the corelle to storage in the basement and filled my cupboards with collected pieces to build on what was started from my Grandmother Rowden's dishes; divided among us, and a complete set from John's Grandmother Nevin.   I love them both and blend both sets at our table and they look great together.
I did keep a small few pieces of Corelle next to the microwave for heating purposes, but once the microwave is "toast" we will go back to a toaster oven.

Yes, events of the last year; health related, did influence my decision to use the china and enjoy it daily!   Cliche perhaps but it's true that we don't know what comes next so that was just one thing I felt I really wanted to change.   I am changed and now too are my cupboards!
Happy New Year to you and may it be a glorious one!