Saturday, February 25, 2012

Day 2 - The shortest distance from pt. A to pt. B

Routine is the part of any morning that helps all go smoothly and this becomes that much more important this morning in making everything seem just as "normal" as any day.  No need for thought, just do what you always do.  I flow from one task to the next.    Washing for the day; having showered the night before, turn on the radio, plug in the straightener ; in order I may tame the unleashed and wild bangs in particular, dress, turn on the radio downstairs for our dog Dash; because the cats may choose to ignore him all day and the radio is some company.
I grab my coat and soon am out the door.  All goes quite well, I'm just fine!  ...until I drive off in the direction of work. Driving home the day before was not easy...ten minutes of unabashed crying.
The car is the most terrifying place to find myself alone these days.  Even the 5 minute stretch of highway between Port Hope and Cobourg is far too long a drive, though a much better choice than the additional 5 minutes it takes on Hwy. # 2.   I am desperate for background noise and must have the radio or a cd on, but even they cannot drown out the overwhelming volume of my own thoughts.
I'm o.k all day at work, though the second most frightening place is in the washroom cubicle.   How sad is this picture...a grown woman sitting upon the toilet working really hard to push back emotions that insist on finding their way to the surface.   Talking about "working hard" and "pushing" in the same sentence as the word "cubicle" had you wondering just where my thoughts were going didn't it!?  LOL...but there you go, the washroom becomes a frightening place!   Like I don't already hold "it" enough!
I was doing pretty good today and kept it together for the most part, then was asked if I could stay later, but I replied no, "I simply cannot today." .

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